Long Lost Love

I have a love in my life that has just recently returned.  By recently, I mean last night.  I have been missing this love for almost 3 years now.  This long lost love is Roller Derby. 

That's right folks, I have delusions dreams of being a roller girl.  I was a newbie with the Arch Rival Roller Girls in 2007.  Then I got preggo with Monkey after 3 long years of trying.  I left my dreams behind to be a mommy.  No complaints here, just dreams that went unanswered for awhile.  When I had my chance to go back for tryouts last year some rather unfortunate events took place involving Monkey and I couldn't return.  Now after having Mouse, I am still happy to be a SAHM.  It is the best for me and for them.  I am no longer miserable in a job that I hated and I feel almost confident that they are being properly taken care of.  However, there has been something missing for the past 3 years.  Derby was it. 

It is really hard to explain to people who don't get it.  I LOVED skating when I was younger and was good.  I had always missed skating, but thought I would look stupid going to the skating rink as a grown adult and trying to hang with the kiddos.  Then I read an article in our local paper about Derby.  It got me totally pumped.  I looked up their information and found out that they usually have a few people at a local rink a certain night a week so you can ask questions.  I mulled it over for weeks and weeks before I actually decided to go.  I was like a little school girl again.  I was SO nervous thinking that I wouldn't be anything near what they were looking for.  I mean, hello, one glimpse of me and you would never say Roller Girl.  I'm not fit or thin or Derby.  I was there for a whole hour before I worked up the nerve to actually talk to the girl who was there from ARRG.  The huz went with me just to help boost my confidence, which didn't really help.  Then, I talked to her and she was SUPER nice and gave me information on when and where practices were.  The next week began my love affair with Roller Derby.  I LOVED it and I loved the girls.  I've never had a lot of girl friends and getting to hang out with the bravest, smartest, and best girls I have ever met was great.  I've missed them. 

So, I took the plunge last night and went to info night and signed up to try out for the team again.  I have the next 3 Mondays of Booty camp where I am sure my ass will be handed to me more times than not by the hard, wooden floor that we skate on.  Then, the monday after that (the 4th monday) I will have try outs.  I honestly don't know what to expect for try outs. I would LOVE to say "I've got this, I am totally going to rock and make the team", however I am realistic.  I haven't been on skates in almost 2 years.  Save Halloween this year when I was dressed up as a roller girl while 8 months preggo. :)  Yes, I am a freak.

Now I think Jillian Michaels and I are going to have to get close again.  I have taken far too many a few days off and I have no one to blame but myself.  I am also finding myself a little more conscious of my health and different ways to switch up my workouts to keep myself interested.  For example, I went to the store the other night to get curtain rods for the new nursery (which is finally done!!!!) and I picked up a Shape magazine.  I also happened to purchase a New Moon sky bar and a heart shaped Reeces Peanutbutter cup. Don't judge.  I am sure the cashier was thinking "Wow, look at that fat ass trying to convince people she is getting in shape by throwing in a magazine with this junk".  I have one thing to say to her "I have no regrets!"

So, Jillian Michaels and I will continue our hate/hate relationship and I will keep you posted on whether I make the team or not.

Disappointing

I measured myself last night with the huz's help and was thoroughly disappointed.  I was even more disappointed by my weight this a.m.  I half expected to see no change at all, but what I saw was disheartening.  All of my numbers went up save 1 which could have been a simple error in measurement when we started.  Even my weight went up 2.9 pounds.  This may not seem like a big deal, but to me it is.  It makes me think that I am doing something very wrong.  A lot of people will say "Well, muscle weighs more than fat."  Well, those people don't understand that I am a big enough girl that even if I am gaining muscle, I should be losing weight.  It made me want to stop, but thanks to a dear friend of mine who I wish I got to see more, I didn't.  She gave me a few pointers on what to eat and just some encouragement which I needed after seeing such disappointing numbers. 

So, I stuck with it and did day 8.  I feel a little bit like I am becoming a failure only after just a week because I have to stop more now than I did when I first started.  Shouldn't I be getting better and having more and more endurance?  Most of it is because I am getting this horrid cramp on the outside of my shins/ankles right above the knobby bone.  It is a killer!  For those of you that need a visual:   

I used to get it right when I started skating again.  If I didn't stop and try to work it out, it would eventually pull all the way up my leg to my knee.  It's frustrating to say the least.  So, I think that if I don't find a good pair of shoes soon, I might have to make the 30 day Shred into something that is going to last a little longer.  We will see.  For now I am going to do my best to stick with it.

30 Day Shred

Today is day 7 of the 30 day shred for me.  I have to tell you that I am seeing no difference what so ever yet.  Aside from a slight increase in endurance.  I am sure that this is because of how out of shape I truly am.  However, I am still motivated.  I want to be thin and fit.  I need to get into shape for my sake and the sake of the girls.  We are going to do measurements tonight and weight in the AM.  I will let you know if there is any difference in those, but I'm not sure that I have been doing it long enough for a difference there either. 

I have been working out for 7 days without wearing shoes and my bad knee is starting to feel it.  I have one pair of shoes that are were great.  I've had them for at least 3 years.  I have a very hard time picking out shoes.  I have only ever had good luck with Reeoks, but would be willing to try anything but Nikes.  I tear Nikes up like nobody's business.  If anyone has any good suggestions on good shoes, please let me know.  Also if anyone has any good ideas for helping to trim the calories here or there while still being toddler friendly, I would gladly accept the pointers.  My insurance is having a nutritionist call me due to my status as borderline diabetic. I am in denial that I have full blown diabetes.  So is my Dr.  I think that this is going to be great, but they said it could take up to a week for her to call me when I talked to the nurse on Friday.

We have yet to sit down and plan out the menu for our venture into Menu planning even though I keep "suggesting" that we need to.  If we don't talk about it by Tuesday, I am planning it myself which I hate to do.   If you have been reading my blog for any length of time, you will know that I am not a cook.  The huz does all of the cooking.  My cooking repertoire extends to baking a turkey, White Castle stuffing, Chili, and hot wing dip.  Not the best items, but at least I can do a few things.  Though, not enough to start doing a weekly meal plan. 

Also, today is Mouse's 2 month birthday.  It is so hard to believe that my Christmas baby turned thanksgiving baby is already 2 months old.  Of course, in 6 days I will be saying the same thing about my little monkey.  She will be 20 months.  Time flies when they are little and I am so blessed to be able to be a SAHM. 

30 Day Shred...day 4

It is already day 4 of the 30 Day Shred and as you have probably already guessed, I am not dead. However, I am fairly certain that I will be any moment now.

I really do think that I am making at least a little bit of progress endurance wise. (It's either that or the many times I had to stop last night to give little mouse back her paci. Yes, she uses a paci - don't judge me) I actually made it through the first two sets on jumping jacks!!! For the first time ever without stopping. Again, I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am about this. Though, I did have to stop several other times for fear of my lungs bursting. Even as I am sitting here typing, my arms are shaking begging me for mercy and I LOVE it. Am I a glutton for punishment or what?

It's just that I can feel that this is actually making my body work and it's great. It is the first time in a long time that this has happened for me. I don't even think I hurt this bad when I started derby not so many years ago. Though, let me tell you rink rash hurts worse that this ever could. Especially when it leaves the fishnet stocking imprint on your but cheek. OW!

Tomorrow is going to be a full day and we will be out of the house for most of it. Yay! We have to go to Children's, then to Sam's for formula, then maybe to the mall for a nice little stroll. After the huz gets home we eat and then I work out. It seems to work a little better if I do it at night rather than in the middle of the day. We are also going to work on doing Menu Planning this weekend. Thanks so much to Lori for suggesting it. I am excited to see how it works for us.

Wordless Wednesday....Just like daddy

A little late, but at least I am here.

These pictures were taken a few weeks ago.

This is the little girl who refuses to wear a hat for more than 15 minutes at a time. She asked to have the bandanna put on her head and she love it.

Now if you put one on her, she will wear it for a few hours at a time. She has also started to wear the cute little crocheted hat that I bought her.

Oh! And I did the Shred for today too. I am going to go die now.

30 Day Shred...day 2

This morning I woke up with some soreness in my legs. I thought to myself that I was feeling pretty good and glad that I was going to be able to move throughout the day. Ha! I feel asleep in the chair this morning after Ember got up for about 30 minutes. When I woke up, I realized that my abs and sides were sore. Let me say that again....my ABS are sore!! I didn't even think I had abs underneath this belly! And this was after only the first day! I can't even begin to explain to you how excited this made me. I have never, EVER done a workout that has made my abs hurt. Not even when I was hardcore into sports in high school. To me, this means that it is actually giving me a workout. While I am so very excited about this, I am also VERY sore. As the day progressed I felt myself getting slower and stiffer and hurting more and more as I moved. I knew this was going to happen, but it still hurts! Ugh

As much as I didn't want to because of how sore I am, I did the workout again today. I am sure that I ended up stopping more this time than I did yesterday, but it felt good to work all of my sore muscles. That is, until about two hours ago when I realized that I can't walk down the two steps into the garage. Yes, walking down stairs is much harder than walking up then right now. You use a whole different set of muscles and when they are sore, they sure as hell let you know it. I am motivated at this point in time to keep this going. In the first part of the DVD, I always have to stop in the middle of the jump rope part. It is just too much on my feet and shins. I REALLY don't want to end up with shin splints. I had them a lot in track and it was hell. Well, when you get to the end of the DVD, you do 2 minutes of cardio. This includes the jump rope part. Yesterday I didn't stop because I wanted to prove I could do it and I did the same today. I don't know if by then I am worked up enough to push myself or what, but it feels like such an accomplishment to make it through those 30 seconds of torture!

I would agree with anyone that tells me that Jillian Michaels is a master at torture. However, after the results I received after just one 20 minute session I would also have to thank her. If this continues, I can see how this could truly help me. Now, the diet is another story. I really need to work on it, but it is just going to have to wait until it is time to go grocery shopping again. Not a lot of healthy stuff in the house right now. I had pizza for lunch and and then a little later had a small pouch of Ember's fruit snacks. Just before dinner I ate a bag of baked Cheetos's and then had a piece of pizza. I was SO hungry. The huz did fix me a great dinner though. It is actually a Weight Watcher's recipe. It is a modification of hot wings where you use chicken breasts, cut them up into strips, and then use hot sauce on them. They are actually pretty good. Especially for someone who LOVES hot wings. He also made this whole grain rice mix that was pretty good. It was only 3 carb choices for me. (45 carbs total for the whole meal) Oh! I also only had three diet sodas today. Usually I have a bazillion and one throughout the day. I guess that is progress.

Now, we will see how I feel tomorrow. They always say that the third day is the worst. Let's hope. In one of my more pain filled moments the huz said "Hey, you only have 28 more days to go." At that moment I wanted to jump on him like a spider monkey and just smack him! However, my sore thighs told me that this was not an option. So, I politely told him to shut it. :) He loves me. He knows it. hehe

30 Day Shred...day 1

I stayed up until 2:30a.m. this morning just thinking about how far I have let myself go. The whole thing started with trying to figure out what I could do to help myself start getting into better shape. I looked up on YouTube a bunch of videos for the 30 Day Shred and the P90 workout. What I found was TONS of before and after videos. It amazed me at how well some people had done and then it got me thinking about whether it really would work for me or not. It got me thinking about whether I could actually do it or not. It just got me thinking about what I wanted to do about myself. I mean, my 19 month old daughter lifts up my shirt, pokes my belly, and then laughs when it jiggles. It didn't bother me when I didn't admit it to anyone. In talking with the huz yesterday, it came up and I just wanted to cry. I didn't know it effected me that much. So, last night/this morning wasn't fun or pretty. It was me in full blown self loathing. A little less than a good night's sleep helped me come to a decision I am hoping will change my life.

So, I sent out a tweet and a status on facebook asking if anyone knew what would be better to do, the P90 system or the 30 Day Shred. Then, low and behold, my step mother in law said that she actually had the 30 day shred DVD. So, right then and there the decision was made. Why not try the one that I don't have to buy? I had watched several snippets of both systems on-line and still didn't know if I could really do it or not. The more I thought about it, the more I decided that this was it. This needed to be it. Around 2PM I made the huz go over and pick it up because I knew that if I didn't decide to start now, it wouldn't happen. So, today was officially day 1......

And today is the day that I realized that Jillian Michaels and her workout might kill me rather than make me thin. OMG!! I was jelly legged 1/3 of the way through the 20 minutes. I knew that I was out of shape, but good lord! I had to stop several times throughout the video, but I was determined to at least finish. Which, I did. One of the main problems I had was that my feet started cramping when I had my shoes on. Once I took them off, they gradually got better. I am not really sure why they do that, though I have a feeling that it is simply my weight. I also had an issue with the fact that when I jumped up and down my flab was very distracting. I'm a big girl and the belly is not a fun thing when jumping.

One of the other issues I had is that I kept moving to one side or the other when doing jumping jacks. If we had a large space for me to do this in, this wouldn't be a problem. However, I have almost no space. I kept running into the couch, worrying about hitting the ceiling fan with my hands, and running into the hubby who was sitting in the chair behind me. I was very nervous doing this in front of him, but the baby needed to be fed and I needed to start right then and there, so he got the full view. Once I was done with the workout, I was so shaky and jelly armed/legged that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get Ember out of her crib after nap time. Luckily she woke up before the huz had to leave for his evening job.

I did take the day 1 pictures (which are NOT going to be posted yet - I'm working up to it, just give me time) and weighed myself. We are also getting ready to do my measurements. I am truly hoping that this is going help. I'm not sure whether it will or not since I am not sure how to change my diet completely. So, we will see. I will check in tomorrow to let you know how I feel. Probably VERY sore. I can already feel myself starting to tighten up.

As far as today goes, I lived. There's always tomorrow. :)