Guilty as charged!

This post is a little late (considering the incident happened on the 17th!), but better late than never!  Let me start off by saying that this journey through weight loss surgery has been rough at times.  By rough, I don't mean the, this "diet" is too hard so I will cheat a day type of rough.  I mean, changing your entire life, the way you think about food, and getting something literally stuck and having to puke rough. 

Yes, I did say puke!  Because that is what happened to me on the 17th!  You are told straight up that it can and will happen.  Then you go about your daily life thinking, "Not me.  I'm going to be so good and follow the rules so well that I will be fine." (Insert hockey goal horn here) WRONG! Friday morning a friend had surgery and I was trying to get her prescription filled quickly so I could get it back to her.  I decided to get something to eat because I was starving.  Well, I wasn't paying a bit of attention and started eating like I would have before my surgery.  It wasn't until about the 4th bite that I started to notice a horrific pain in my chest.  Then I noticed that I could literally feel the food in my throat.  It took about 5 minutes for me to get it all back up and, let me tell you, it was the most horrible experience I have EVER had.  I've never had a heart attack, but that is what I equated the pain to.  Needless to say, I have learned my lesson.  Since then I have slowed down and really tried to watch what I eat. 

As a result of that and Support group the other night, I have decided to challenge myself to keep up with the 60g of protein requirement this week.  In order to do that, starting yesterday I have been taking pictures of breakfast, lunch, and dinner with the calories and protein content and posting them to facebook.  It is a bit of an interactive food journal for me.  Yesterday it kept me honest and I didn't try to cheat by not eating as much protein.  It's kind of one of those things of "I told my friends I am having this, so I have to!".  Plus, I think it is neat to show people what I am eating and how much is an actual serving for me. 

Also, as of last week, I am down 22 pound!  I have also finished week 3 of the Couch to 5K!  excited about that!  Hopefully it will stop raining today so I can start on week 4!  I am thinking about registering for a 5K on August 13th, but I'm not sure yet.  I was going to wait until after this week to see how it goes.  If I have to repeat too many weeks, I won't be ready for it.  We will see.  Here are a few pics that I have posted of the food!

Turkey sausage and 2 scrambled eggs 300c/25P

Pita with turkey, roast beef, and Colby jack cheese slice, light mayo, and mustard. With ranch cucumbers. 196.2c/21.17p made it past 60g of protein for the day!!!!

Things I've noticed and other news...

It has been almost 5 weeks since my surgery.  Over that time, there are things that I have started to notice.  Some of them bother me and some of them I am alright with.  These things are:

- I have not bitten my fingernails once since my surgery date.  They are actually growing!

- Some friends do not understand why I had my surgery and it appears that a few of them could care less to try to understand.  Thank you to those of you who are trying to understand.

- The food police are everywhere!

- I feel better, healthier.

- I am still obsessed with stepping on the scale every day!

- My life still revolves around food, but in a much better way.

- I feel like I am actually accomplishing something with my new running/walking program.

- A lot of family and friends have told me that they notice my 20 pound weight loss (19 according to my Dr's scale. I like my scale better!) just by looking at me, but I can't see it yet.

- This process is even harder than I thought it was going to be.  I mean, I knew it was going to be hard, but I think it's harder.

Now, on to other news.  Monday I got my first fill in my band.  By special request, I am going to explain that.  It seems that I haven't been as good at that as I had thought!  You see, when the band was first put in, it wasn't filled at all.  If you want to know what the band looks like, go here.  They do this because of the swelling that happens from the initial placement of the band around the stomach.  Typically you go to the dr 4-6 weeks after your surgery for your first fill.  A fill means that the dr will take a needle and stick it into the port, which is just under the skin (mine is just above my belly button), and will fill the band with a small amount of saline solution.  This is what helps you to feel full quicker and for a longer period of time.  Depending on the person, you can have between 4-6 fills before you are at the point that works best for you.  I have also been told that a lot of people can't tell that big of a difference with their first fill.  Which, so far, has been my case.  We will see as I start progressing to ground beef and chicken.  That is this coming week!  Yay!  next fill is July 25th! 

Oh!  I finally got my salad and it was great!!!!  Yum!  I also made it through week one of the C25K program!  Week 2 started Monday.  Let me tell you, this fat soon to be skinny girl can barely run for 90 seconds at a time!  That is pitiful!  But, I am pushing through it.  We will see what tomorrow brings with day 2 of week 2. 

Week Three and a new start

So, I am three weeks (almost 4) post surgery and I feel good.  I am starting to eat real food again (Fish, seafood, pitas, low carb wraps, thinly shaved lunch meat, etc..) and it is going well.  I get my first fill in a few weeks and I have to tell you that I can't wait!  I am excited about seeing how it changes my weight, how I feel about myself, and my ability to exercise even more.  I am also a bit worried about whether it will change the things that I have already gotten to start eating again.  I know that I still have a lot to work on with the chewing food up and not drinking while eating.  (or for an hour after!)  That, I have to say, is the hardest part.  I honestly don't miss soda that much, but getting used to not drinking while eating is hard!  Very hard.  I catch myself reaching for my water all of the time when I am eating. 

By week 6 I will get to start incorporating ground beef again.  I can't tell you how happy about this I will be.  I want a burger SO bad it's not even funny. There is only one thing I want more than that.  A good salad!  I have no idea when I can start having that.  I think week 5, but I will check with the nutritionist.  I know, who wants a salad over a burger?!  hehe  I am so weird.

I am supposed to workout for 30 minutes at least 4 times a week.  I have not been able to do this previously, but I started getting into it today.  My little Mouse started preschool this morning. :( *tears* She is going two days a week so I thought that this would be the perfect time to start something new.  So, I started the Couch to 5K running program this morning.  I made it through without stopping, but I wanted to so bad!  I know that this week is only 60 seconds of running with 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes, but for me, that is VERY tough!  And I am very slow with the running.  The C25K site calls me a penguin because of my waddle/run! hehe  Though, I made it through 1.2 miles of running/walking today.  I never thought that I could do that before.  So, in celebration, I added two new tickers!  Yay!  I am down 18 pounds!  SO excited.  We will see what the next few weeks bring with this new exercise stuff.

On my way

Well, Wednesday May 11th was my surgery!  It was nerve wracking and a little scary because well, surgery is major.  Even if it is something routine, it's surgery people!  I can honestly say that of all the surgeries I have had, this has been the worst actually.  The day of my surgery, we got to the hospital at 12:30, got signed in, called back into the pre-op area and waited.  I hate waiting.  It always makes things worse.  I don't think I actually got taken back into the OR until around 2ish.  When I got out of the OR, I stayed in recovery for awhile.  They were apparently waiting for rooms to become available.  I was actually really out of it and in a lot of pain so I didn't care about a lot other than wanting to pain to go away.  I got into my room around 6 or 6:30p.m.  I was glad to see my husband, but was still in pain.  The pain killers did a lot for the pain from the surgery, but not a lot for the gas pain in my shoulder joints.  It was much worse than anything I have had in the past.  I had to get heparin shots about every 12 hours.  They were not fun.  Especially since I got them in the arms rather than in the belly.  The nurses were very nice and were great!  I had to get up that night around 10p.m. and walk.  Let me tell you, that hurt a lot.  It was very slow going as well!

The next day I was still in and out of it thanks to the morphine! :)  They told me that I had to take a swallow test before they would let me eat or drink anything.  The swallow test is rather simple.  You stand in front of n x-ray board and swallow a substance that lights up on the x-rays.  They take a bunch of pictures to make sure that nothing has slipped or moved since the surgery.  Then you have to wait to see if you passed.  Luckily I did and I got to have a Popsicle (sugar free of course), SF Jello, water!, ice chips, and other things that I didn't eat actually.  I had to get up and walk to floor much more.  It was difficult because I was still very sore and trying to push an IV pole when you can barely hold your arms up is an experience in itself!  I got to go home around 4 or 4:30 which was great!  My step mother in law came up to the hospital and waited with me until they released me and then took me home.  So thankful for her! 

Since being home, I have been extremely sore.  It seemed to be getting worse and I was a little worried Thursday night because I spiked a little bit of a temperature. It only ever got to 99.8 and I think it was because I was trying to move too much.  Since then I have had a normal temp and been progressively getting around better and better.  I have 5 incisions and they are all pretty sore.  I have yet to wear jeans because two of the incisions are very close to my belly button and I know jeans would just hurt too much right now.  So, I have been very grungy the past few days in my sweats and shirts.  I went to an all day concert yesterday and walked most of the day actually.  I felt MUCH better after doing that.  It helped me get the soreness out of the muscles.  When we got home last night I looked at myself and it really looks like someone beat me up!  I have bruises everywhere.  I guess it is because of the heparin shots.  I tend to bruise easily, but never this easily! 

I think the worst part of this whole thing has been the diet and getting used to a completely new way of thinking.  I was on the clear liquid diet from Sunday to Sunday.  It was SO very hard.  I don't know that I could have done it for much longer.  I like Jello and Popsicles and all, but not all day every day!  Right now I am on the Full liquid diet.  That will last a week as well.  It is kind of misleading because I can have applesauce, yogurt, thin mashed potatoes and blended soups as well as all of the liquids I could have before.  I really need to start working on taking smaller bites of things now and chewing well.  I know that this is going to be one of my biggest struggles.  One of the suggestions in the book is that you actually set a timer for two or three minutes between bites.  I also need to chew my food to a toothpaste consistency before I swallow it.  That way it won't get stuck and I will have less of a chance of having issues of swallowing other foods. 

Once I get back to eating a more normal meal, which is at about 4 weeks out, I will need to start measuring out my food.  I will need to measure out a 1/2 cup of food for my meal.  They say that you are always supposed to go for the proteins first to fill you up rather than the carbs.  This is also going to be hard because you get used to eating a certain way and it is going to take a lot to get into a new way of thinking about food.  A dear friend, and liver mom, said to me on FB the other day "I guess you really have to change your relationship with food" and she's very right.  I have to start thinking about what is going to be best for me, not what sounds good or is quick.  I can't eat when I am bored or just because anymore.  I have to change everything.  I know that in the end it is going to be a good thing, but I am sure it is going to be a struggle to get there.  I am very glad that I have been able to have this opportunity. I know that a lot of people don't understand what this is all about and that's alright, but I'd rather they ask than just brush it off. 

Last meal please.....

So, as of this morning I started my liquid diet.  Can I tell you that, at just shy of 7 hours, it sucks!  More about that later. 

Thursday night we had to return a brand new TV that was just over 30 days old!  It just stopped working.  Wouldn't turn on at all anymore.  We were SO not happy.  After we went to the store and ended up getting a completely different TV, which was a little more expensive, I was starving!!!!  So, I decided that we needed to go to P.F. Chang's for my last big meal.  It was SO good!  I figured that since we were in the area, I would have my last big meal for a very long time.  Actually for forever since I will only ever be able to eat small portions again after Wednesday.  I was very pleased with my "last meal" and figured that yesterday would be a normal day of eating.  Well, we ended up going out again last night with the in-laws and I had Crab Legs!  YUMMMM!  So, I had two very good last meals over the past two days.  I can only hope that the thought of these meals will get me through the next few weeks! 

As of today, I have had a lot of Jell-o, a orange sugar free Popsicle, a protein shake that I almost threw up all over my step mother in law and my mother, a better protein shake, a lot of water and some chicken broth.  And this will continue for the next two days and then week following my surgery.  I know that it will be worth it, but right now I feel like crap.  I am hungry and verging on being cranky.  I know the cranky part is from my caffeine withdrawal!  We will see what tomorrow brings! 

Oh yeah!  I have a final to take tomorrow too!  Yay!

Time for some change...

It's time for some change around here.  Not only on the blog do you like the new background?, but in general.  I have a secret that only a select few people know about right now.  However, pretty soon everyone will find out anyway so, in the spirit of change, I thought I would just share it with everyone.  (I'll get to the spilling of the guts in a minute)

Let me just say that I understand that not everyone approves of what I am about to say and that's o.k.  It's my life, not yours.  It's also my decision, not yours.  I also understand that some people might have questions.  Great!  The more you ask me, the more I can explain to you so that you can understand where I am coming from.

O.k., on with the gut spilling.  In the very near future, a week from tomorrow, I am going to be having Lap-Band surgery.  It is something that I have thought very seriously about and have decided that it is the best option for me and my health.  I know that a lot of people view this as an easy way out, but let me assure you it is not.  This is actually going to be a very long and difficult road with very strict lifestyle changes.  I am going to try to start blogging again because I want to chronicle this journey I am about to take so that others understand the risks, benefits, and daily struggles of this type of choice.  This is a tool, not a fix all.  I am going to have to exercise for at least 30 minutes 4-5 days a week, watch what I eat extremely well, measure out everything that goes into my mouth, and make better choices about what I put on my plate.  

There are also certain things that I will have to give up indefinitely.  One of those items is anything carbonated.  This includes Soda, Beer - no big loss for me Yick!, Champagne, sparkling water, sparkling ciders, etc.  Sweets and other sugary items also have to go.  Just because you have this surgery, does not mean that you can't continue to gain weight.  I am also going to have to limit my caffeine intake to 1 cup of coffee or tea per day.  Also, no more straws.  They can cause gas intake which can lead to extreme discomfort.  This is the same reason I can't have carbonation any more.  I am going to need to take a multivitamin and a calcium chew for the rest of my life.  Honestly, this is probably something I should be doing anyway, but now it is more important to make sure I get all of the nutrients I need in a day.

I have learned a few things through this journey already.  I have learned that this is something I am committed to.  I know what I have to give up and what I am going to put myself through and I am alright with that.  I have also learned that apparently when you take a calcium supplement, only 500mg of calcium will absorb into your system at a time.  I am a science geek so I thought this was really interesting.  So, if you are taking a calcium supplement that is over 500mg, you are missing out on the full benefits.  

So, starting this Sunday, I will be on a liquid diet.  It will consist of Three protein shakes a day (bfast, lunch, and dinner), sugar free drinks, sugar free Jello, sugar free Popsicles, ice, sports drinks diluted in water, etc.  This is to help shrink the liver as well as empty out the stomach.  I will be on this diet for three days before and 1 week after my surgery.  I will get into the rest of the diet as that time gets closer.

So, I have hopeful that this is the tool that I need to help me discover the me I should be.  The me I want to be.  Only time will tell.  I hope this is a good journey for us all.