I'm a loser baby....

.....so why don't you kill me?  Seriously, just kill me right now. 

As you can probably guess, this is my update of my results from try outs tonight.  Yes, I am a loser.  I didn't make it.

I am going to go sulk now.

Slacker

I'm a slacker, I know.  I am so sore and tired right now that I just want to curl up right next to the nice warm fan of my laptop and sleep for 3 days!

Derby is kicking my ass.  Why, oh why did I ever think that this would be a good idea just 12 weeks after having a baby?  I am SO out of shape it isn't even funny.  I feel like an idiot becuase I can't even get back up half the time we do one or two knee falls.  Ugh!  I just flail around the floor like a dying whale.  It's horrid, really it is.  Oh, and it doesn't help that my feet got fat with this pregnancy so my skates are too small now.  My feet are cramping like crazy, but we don't have the dough to buy new skates right now.  Plus, I don't want to buy new ones before I know whether I make the league or not.  I have no delusions that I will actually make it this year.  I fully expect not to. 

So, for now I leave you with this parting thought.....Why does the muscle in my underarm hurt and why do I keep punishing myself?!!!!

Long Lost Love

I have a love in my life that has just recently returned.  By recently, I mean last night.  I have been missing this love for almost 3 years now.  This long lost love is Roller Derby. 

That's right folks, I have delusions dreams of being a roller girl.  I was a newbie with the Arch Rival Roller Girls in 2007.  Then I got preggo with Monkey after 3 long years of trying.  I left my dreams behind to be a mommy.  No complaints here, just dreams that went unanswered for awhile.  When I had my chance to go back for tryouts last year some rather unfortunate events took place involving Monkey and I couldn't return.  Now after having Mouse, I am still happy to be a SAHM.  It is the best for me and for them.  I am no longer miserable in a job that I hated and I feel almost confident that they are being properly taken care of.  However, there has been something missing for the past 3 years.  Derby was it. 

It is really hard to explain to people who don't get it.  I LOVED skating when I was younger and was good.  I had always missed skating, but thought I would look stupid going to the skating rink as a grown adult and trying to hang with the kiddos.  Then I read an article in our local paper about Derby.  It got me totally pumped.  I looked up their information and found out that they usually have a few people at a local rink a certain night a week so you can ask questions.  I mulled it over for weeks and weeks before I actually decided to go.  I was like a little school girl again.  I was SO nervous thinking that I wouldn't be anything near what they were looking for.  I mean, hello, one glimpse of me and you would never say Roller Girl.  I'm not fit or thin or Derby.  I was there for a whole hour before I worked up the nerve to actually talk to the girl who was there from ARRG.  The huz went with me just to help boost my confidence, which didn't really help.  Then, I talked to her and she was SUPER nice and gave me information on when and where practices were.  The next week began my love affair with Roller Derby.  I LOVED it and I loved the girls.  I've never had a lot of girl friends and getting to hang out with the bravest, smartest, and best girls I have ever met was great.  I've missed them. 

So, I took the plunge last night and went to info night and signed up to try out for the team again.  I have the next 3 Mondays of Booty camp where I am sure my ass will be handed to me more times than not by the hard, wooden floor that we skate on.  Then, the monday after that (the 4th monday) I will have try outs.  I honestly don't know what to expect for try outs. I would LOVE to say "I've got this, I am totally going to rock and make the team", however I am realistic.  I haven't been on skates in almost 2 years.  Save Halloween this year when I was dressed up as a roller girl while 8 months preggo. :)  Yes, I am a freak.

Now I think Jillian Michaels and I are going to have to get close again.  I have taken far too many a few days off and I have no one to blame but myself.  I am also finding myself a little more conscious of my health and different ways to switch up my workouts to keep myself interested.  For example, I went to the store the other night to get curtain rods for the new nursery (which is finally done!!!!) and I picked up a Shape magazine.  I also happened to purchase a New Moon sky bar and a heart shaped Reeces Peanutbutter cup. Don't judge.  I am sure the cashier was thinking "Wow, look at that fat ass trying to convince people she is getting in shape by throwing in a magazine with this junk".  I have one thing to say to her "I have no regrets!"

So, Jillian Michaels and I will continue our hate/hate relationship and I will keep you posted on whether I make the team or not.