Monday, February 23, 2009

I have a confession....

Not really a confession I guess...just something that I want to get off of my chest. I figure that if I say it out loud, I might actually do something about it. It's also one of the things that I hate about myself......... The picture below explains it all. (I am the one on the right) My weight. It has gotten very much so out of control. As of right now, today, this very moment...well, enough time to walk from the bathroom to the computer anyway, I weigh...(I can't believe I am actually going to type this out loud!)......277.8 pounds GAH!!!!!!!!!! There! I said it! *hyperventilating* It's out there. No taking it back. Even if I hit the delete button right now it would still be there. Staring at me like some huge ass spider just ready to pounce on me without warning!

Anyway, yes....I am FAT! 100% and I know it. I have known it for quite some time. Trust me, it's not just because I had a baby. I was fat before that. In fact, after I Ember, I weighed 245. I was ecstatic about it. Imagine that, happy and overjoyed about weighing 245 pounds. *sigh*

This is me in high school. (That's the huz with me! hehe) I weighed all of 145 pounds. I thought I was fat then. Ugh! Gag me with a spoon. Society is a cruel thing to girls who are not the perfect size zero. Anyway, I know that I cannot EVER get back to this, but it would be nice to get under 200 pounds...or well at least in sight of it. I have tried SO many different things before with no success or very short lived success. Before I got pregnant I even considered having lap banding done. I was SO upset when I found out how very expensive it was and that we would never be able to afford it in a million years!
So, here I go again. I am going to try to start eating right again. I am going to start eating like I had to when I was pregnant. It was actually a very healthy option and it is now a great way to lose weight for me. I had gestational diabetes so I had to really watch my carb intake. It's just so much harder now that I am not preggo. It was easier then because I knew that what I put in my mouth directly effected Ember. I knew that if my sugar got too out of control that hers would plummet once I was born. I knew that I could potentially harm her if I didn't stay under control. Now, she's here and what I eat doesn't hurt her directly. Indirectly it could eventually yes, but now...not so much. I am going to start doing my DDR when I can and once the weather starts getting nicer, I am going to ride my new bike and skate. Then when I can get back into Derby, it's on. That will help a lot too. At least three workouts a week with them.
So, here is what I am going to do. I am going to try to post at least once a week, I can't guarantee the same day each week, about my weight loss or gain. Maybe that way I will stay on track. Any words of encouragement you have would be greatly appreciated. that I feel bad for actually putting down on paper how gross I am, I am going to go hide under the comforter.

Friday, February 20, 2009

My title, new DVR, and the portal to Hell

It occurred to me that not many of you know what my title means or who the heck Jane or Angel is. Well, here is a mini explanation.

Jeannie....well, that's me! (DUH!)
Jane....well, this one is a bit more complicated. It is actually a nickname Matt started calling me. It is after Jane Jetson. In the beginning sequence of The Jetson's, George is giving Jane money and rather than taking the money he tried to hand her, she takes the money that is left in his wallet. Click here to see: The Jetson's Cute huh? Well, then it evolved in to Dammit Jane. My derby name. I MISS derby more than anything! I can't wait until I can join up again. Dammit Jane is everything that I am not and a few things that I am. She is a touch on the glamorous side, confident, brave, a mother to everyone, and a protector. She'll kick your ass for hurting one of her friends/family and ask you why later. (You get to decide which of these is me and which all DJ)
Angel....Again, a nickname from Matt
Mommy...Obviously, I am a mommy
etc.....this includes Bitch, Freak, Goth wanna be, Cute, Fat, Anxious, and all of the other things I am that I try to hide on a daily basis.
So, now you know and knowing is half the battle (or so says G.I. JOE)

Today we got a new DVR and it is great!!!!! We can record a show while watching another one! This has answered ALL of my TV watching dilemmas. I know, I am a little behind everyone else, but hey! Let me revel in my tiny little victory. Now I will no longer have to sacrifice CSI for Hell's Kitchen!

And here is where the portal to hell comes in. The installation guy came in and asked me where the wire came into our front room at and I said from underneath where the TV was sitting. He then asked me if it was a basement or how to get down there. I told him it was a crawl space. I said that I wasn't exactly sure how to get from the crawlspace into the underneath of the front room for sure. He just looked at me with this "You have got to be kidding" look. I told him that well, I don't deal with spiders and bugs and whatever else could be lurking down there. I neglected to tell him that I am pretty sure that in that tiny, dark little space under my house there were Zombies, Ghosts, and possibly the portal to hell. Though, none of these scare me anywhere near as much as a spider or snake crawling on me. I'll gladly take my chances with Cthulhu (for those of you who don't get the reference....Cthulhu ) himself if I have to, just as long as you don't get a spider or snake anywhere near me! Yes, yes, you think I am overly dramatic, but it's true. I fear them simply because of the bite factor. I know that some snakes do not let go when they bite. That scares the crap outta me. Spiders are even worse. (And my skin just started crawling even thinking about it!) They are hairy and have 8 legs and they can bite you too and some can even make your flesh rot off! yuck yuck yuck Don't get me wrong, the possibility of the undead freaks me out too, but I feel like I am somehow better equipped to deal with that than the unnaturalness of snakes and spiders. (o.k., the undead aren't exactly natural, but I think you should understand where I am coming from on this people!)

Yes, sadly, these are the things I think about at night. When it is just me and the baby at home, with no one else around to watch me freak out. hehe And Ghosts, yes, I do believe in them. They creep me out too, but nowhere near as much as afore mentioned spiders and snakes. I am also not prepared to deal with The Mothman, those crazy mountain guys from Wrong Turn, and possibly the dark. It is kind of funny though, sometimes when the huz and I get together with our friends to watch a scary movie, we talk about how we could survive it because of our gaming adventures. HAHA! But, that is a story for another time. I guess I should add scaredy cat to my title as well.

Welcome to my craziness people. This is how my mind works. We have now come full circle...starting with my title, to the DVR, to the portal to hell, Zombies, ghosts, my friends, and back to my title. Hope you enjoyed the trip.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Attempting something not so new...

I have decided that I am going to attempt to jump into the already gigantic world of blogging. I know that I will probably not get any notoriety for my blog, but I needed a place to get my thoughts down on paper and let's face it, I type much faster than I can write. So, here it is. My random thoughts for all of you to enjoy or not.

Today is technically my second day as a stay at home mommy. I LOVE it! I know, I know, everyone is thinking "you say that now", but it's true. I never pictured myself as a stay at home mom. I always thought that I would continue working because, well, I really do hate NOT having something to do. Yes, now and then it is nice, but if it is all the time, I tend to get a bit agitated. Well, that all changed when Ember came along. The minute she was born, I knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I am sure that happens to many moms and I am by far not the first one to come to this revelation. Yeah, yeah, I get it. SO not original, but that is what happened. Now, I get to. After 8 1/2 months of life, most of which I was at home with her for anyway due to her liver disease, I am with her all the time. So far, so good. Even today when she is really fussy and not feeling well. (Stuffy nose, teething, NOT liver for all you grandma's and aunts out there)

So, this is my little moment I take for myself when I can I guess. I really do enjoy writing. My mother-in-law has suggested that I try to write a book after reading my blogs on Ember's site. To tell you the truth, that would be so great, but I wouldn't even know where to begin. I am not the best writer out there and I know it. For instance, my friend Pete is great! Really, he is. I am not just saying that because I am a friend. He has this imagination that runs wild and he has a gift for making you feel like you are in the moment. That gift was recalled when it came to me. I truly enjoy reading his stories and any time we game with him, his concepts just blow me away. Honestly, becoming a journalist was one of my dreams growing up. Of course, so was becoming a pediatric trauma nurse, a marine biologist, a veterinarian, and a pharmacist. Of course, all of those are on hold due to mommy duty, and for the first time I am OK with that. Prior to Ember, I was so angry with myself for letting those little dreams slip away, for not letting myself at least try, for quitting school when I did, but now it's all OK. They aren't gone, just put on hold and I am sure that there are more than enough people mad at me for something or another so why be mad at myself?

Anyway, I have to go finish cleaning out the bottom of the fridge. The roast that was thawing ended up leaking blood all over....gross!!!!! (And that is saying something for a woman who is happy to talk to you about the color of her daughter's poop! Go green!) So, here's to a good roast, a clean fridge, and comforting a teething baby!