Thursday, August 26, 2010

School and sickness

School started Monday and it is already sucking up a lot of my free time.  No more FB, no more blogging, no more StarCraft II. :(  Though, I have had a sick baby as well so that has taken up a lot of time too. 

Monkey had some kind of virus which was causing her break outs and now it has caused a horrible snotty nose.  Mouse now has a snotty nose too and was extremely cranky yesterday.  I think that hers is from teething.  She turned 9 months old on the 24th and the poor thing only has 4 teeth with 2 more coming in.  By this time, I think Monkey had almost a full mouth!  She holds her own though and manages to gum pretty much everything to death.

We are really hoping they get over the snotty noses soon because they really aren't sleeping well at night.  And every mom out there knows that the result of that is the fact that YOU don't get to sleep well at night.  This hurts me even worse since I don't sleep well at night anyway!  Total Zombie land here most days right now.  Also, as far as sickness goes, I haven't been feeling the greatest.  I have been getting dizzy spells, feeling overly tired (even more so than I should with everything that had been going on), and oddly enough the tip of my tongue would go numb.  So, I finally made a Dr's appointment after I decided to check my blood sugar one night and found it to be 277.  For those of you that don't know, that is extremely high. 

So, I went and he told me that I have full blown Diabetes now. NOT a happy camper, but I have no one to blame for it but myself.  Not even my genes because I knew it was there, lurking in the background like some freak of a stalker, and I have not really done anything to prevent it. So, now is the time to start and hopefully I will have some good news on that front to report soon.  We will see.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Now what?

So, the past two days my blogging time has been spent staring intently at Monkey.  After I picked her up from preschool (her second day there BTW) and we ate supper, I noticed that she had a little bit of a rash on her skin.  Most of the time I am not worried by it because she is kind of a rashy baby.  Her skin is somewhat sensitive, so sometimes she has bumps on her skin that aren't red, they are just there.  Well, in a matter of 15-20 minutes they started turning red and it start spreading.  Within the hour she had developed hives.  It took me something like 1 hour and 45 minutes to finally get in touch with someone who knew what to do with her.  I actually ended up talking to one of her old GI Dr's who happened to be on call.  I told her that I was so sorry to bother her and it was not a GI issue, but she was my last resort.  She was absolutely fine with talking to me.  She even asked for updates on Monkey since she hadn't seen her in awhile.  So, after talking to Dr. H and deciding to do a good dose of Benadryl, Monkey crashed.  She was so tired!  All the while, I was also on FB talking with a few of my fellow liver moms about their opinions of what to do.  LOVE THEM!  I also learned a few tidbits of valuable information along to way to bring up with her allergist and other Dr's.

I was so concerned that she had gotten into peanuts or something else that I made her a pallet to sleep on in the front room while I was still awake so I could keep an eye on her.  Then when it was time for bed, I took her to bed with me and (of course) I stayed awake just staring at her hoping that she didn't start having any breathing problems.  She slept fine, mommy not so much.  In the morning she was fine and just had the non red bumps all over again.  I kept giving her the benadryl as directed by her allergist's nurse.  Well, yesterday evening she broke out again.  No hives this time thanks to the dosing of Benadryl.  None the less, I kept a pretty good eye on her last night too even though she slept in her own bed.  I slept not so well because of being worried about her.  When she woke up this morning, she was fine again so off to school we went.  I got called at like 9:30 to come and get her because she was breaking out again.  This time she also has horrible diaper rash and it is running down her legs as well. 

So, of course I called everyone involved with her care including her allergists office again.  Only this time I wanted an appointment with the allergist because I think it is time to see what else she might be allergic to.  I'm not a happy momma right now.  The answer I received was "We don't do emergency appointments.  We can see her in September.  See if you can get her in to see her primary care."  Umm....aren't you guys supposed to be the specialists?  Isn't he just going to tell me to see you guys anyway?  Why do we need to wait for something like this?  She needs to be seen sooner rather than later so it doesn't develop into something else.  "Well, we don't do emergency appointments.  Her primary care should be able to handle this."  UGH!  So, I called and am getting an appointment for Monday for her since her pediatrician is closed today so he can move his office into a much needed bigger facility.  I guess I am going to have to play the guessing game as to what is making her break out over the weekend.  If it gets too bad I guess we will see the E.R. again.  *sigh*  Why can't Monkey ever present with anything easy?  Just once? 

So, sorry for already failing, but it was actually for a good reason this time.  Monkey watch!  Hope you all have a great weekend.  I am sure mine will be...interesting.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Speak to me's been 2 months.  I feel like I have been gone so often that the tired old excuses as to why don't matter, so I wont give them.  Just know that I will try to keep up once again and more than likely I will fail.  It seems to be my motto in life.  "I will fail at something, just wait and see."

Anyway, I have been doing a lot of thinking on the wee hours of the morning when I either can't sleep or when Mouse has decided she needs to stay awake.  I have made more than a few decisions about the direction of my life.  Some very satisfying and some very needed thought I expect to fail at more than one of them because I always do. 

The thing that started my thinking was the show "So you think you can dance" actually.  I love to watch shows like this that showcase real talent in the dancers and choreographers.  There are very few and far between routines that actually speak to me in a way that others will never understand.  While I love to watch dance, I don't understand it like others do.  However when there is a piece that touches me, it's amazing.  It got me thinking about the things that really speak to me in a way that not a lot of other's can understand. 

I would say that music can speak to me because it used to.  It really did.  I used to play the Clarinet and the Bass Clarinet in band and I loved it.  Music would tell me about joy, heartache, imagination, and life.  It would tell a story that I loved to be a part of.  Now, not so much since I haven't picked up an instrument in at least 10 years.  Shame on me for letting that go, but it is what it is.

The things that speak to me now are not so different than they were way back when in some aspects.  I have always wanted to be involved in the emergency services in some way shape or form.  The interest hit me at about 13 and it has always been there in the back of my mind tugging at me.  When I was 14, I was granted a certificate for the first responders program in my area because I did better on the tests than most of the adults I took the test with.  You are supposed to be 18 to be a licensed first responder.  And that is how it has been ever since.  The only problem that happened when I hit college was that all the confidence I had in my abilities left.  I lack the confidence in myself to know whether the decision I am making is right or wrong.  That is something that just can't happen in emergency medicine. 

Anyway, the things that speak to me are being the first person to reach out to someone who has been in an accident.  Watching a new little life enter this world and take their first real breath speaks to me.  Feeling some one's heart valve close around your finger while you are helping to stop their bleeding speaks to me.  Watching children, especially my own, discover new and unexplored things speaks to me.  Watching the wonder and excitement cross over their face is just amazing.  Watching a liver baby turn from yellow to pink in a matter of days speaks to me.  Caring for someone who can't care for themselves speaks to me.  Especially when you truly WANT to care for that person. 

For these reasons above and so many more, I have decided that it is time to return to nursing school.  I have about a 1.5 year wait, but I am at least on the list.  It is time for me to stop doubting myself and the things that I know in my heart are right.  Even if it isn't the norm.  After caring for Monkey while she was in the hospital and making decisions on the fly as well as with the help of others, I know where I belong.  I belong in emergency medicine where my skill, compassion, and heart can speak to others.

Also for these reasons, I have decided that there are no more excuses for losing weight.  I have a wonderful friend who has agreed to help me figure some things out for myself and we are going to hit the ground running in a few weeks.  It's just something I have to do for myself, my career, and most of all my family. 

Along the way there are going to be bumps, falls, and complete derailments, but that's o.k.  It's something that I have to deal with.  Classes start next week for all my pre-Req's and I know that it is going to help me.  As I have gotten older and been taking classes before, it had always gotten easier for me because I knew I had to create a schedule so I could do well in class.  This time is no different.  I expect excellent work of myself from class and there is no reason I shouldn't expect it in other areas.  Anything less is not an option for me when it comes to my grades and that is how it is going to be in other areas as well.