Happy Birthday to me

That's right, today is my birthday. I am the ripe old a young 30 year old woman and I'm o.k. with that. I know a lot of people who have had issues with their 30th b-day, but really, it's not that bad. I am getting to do things now that I didn't get to do when I was 20 so it's all good.


Let me start off by telling you that normally my birthday and Christmas is one of the worst times of year for me. I get very anxious. Not because I am turning a year older, but because of the gifts. I always tell people they don't have to get me anything. Mostly it is because I HATE the feeling of "expecting" gifts when we can't reciprocate the favor. At Christmas the anxiety gets MUCH worse. I truly appreciate anything anyone does for me, but I feel an incredible amount of guilt about it also. However, this year has been a little different. I haven't told anyone that I did or didn't want anything really. Honestly it hasn't come up much and it is kind of nice that I don't have that anxiety.


However, this year the huz did a great job for my B-day present this year. (It certainly wasn't pizza that was ordered at the last minute because he forgot. True Story and I still married him ladies! :) ) Music has always been in the forefront of my life. There has never been a situation that music couldn't help me to cope through. Trust me, we have been through the wringer and music was always there. In the spirit of that, a few years ago my mother-in-law got me my very own MP3 player and I LOVED it. It was the best thing ever. I sat at my desk and listened to it daily so I didn't have to remember how much I HATED my job. I listened to it in the car with the adapter I bought, I took it everywhere with me. Then the unthinkable happened. The media store where I bought all of my music closed!!!! They were no longer going to support my MP3 player. That was over a year ago. I did still use my MP3 player, but I couldn't change anything off of it. Well, the huz got me a brand new 5th generation iPod nano!!!!!!!!!!!


Let me tell you, I couldn't have been more excited! I immediately started to download iTunes and to convert any of the music I still had on my laptop. I see endless opportunities for myself and this iPod. We are going to become the best workout buddies ever! Especially once the weather warms up enough for me to go skating outdoors. The soundtrack of my life currently includes 738 songs. Not as much as I used to have, but we will change that. I have already added several albums and songs to my wish list on iTunes and will start downloading soon. In the mean time, I have been looking for a good holder/arm band for my iPod so I can use it while working out. I haven't found a lot out there for the 5th gen nano yet, but I am still looking. So, thanks hunny! I LOVE it and plan on wearing it out!


Let me go back for a second. I lied when I said that I haven't asked for anything this birthday. I asked for the new nursery to be finished finally and this past weekend the huz, my dad, and my step-father-in-law came over and got it finished. Thank you SOOOOO much! It has been a good thing for me and for Monkey to have her own playroom now. It will be a good thing for Mouse to have a room with her sister in the next week or two when she grows out of the basinet. (She is growing like a weed!!!!!)


So, thank you everyone for everything that you do. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart! And, so far, 30's not that bad.

Good-Bye for now

I learned late last night that my husbands Step-Grandmother passed away. While it is a sad event, it was time for her to move on. She was no longer living the life she wanted to live. Nor was it a life that her family wanted her to live. However, she left this world on her terms. Much like my grandma did. She decided when it was her time (though she had voiced her opinion about it being her time many many times before. :) ) Now she is at peace and can do a much better job at watching over us all.

I had only been in her life for the past 11 years or so, but she was special to me. She was very sweet and could be quite sassy. She was also one of those grandmas that you never knew what she was going to say. She liked to keep people guessing. It was always a joy to see her at family gatherings. As she started to get less and less steady on her feet, I would always try to help with moving her and she would always tell me "Jeannie, you're so sweet". Little did she know that I didn't do it because I was trying to be sweet. I did it because it is in my blood. Helping people is in every fiber of my being. It's what I do. It is what I have been trained to do and it just happens automatically. Helping her with such a small task as sitting in a chair at Christmas was my pleasure. I may not be good at much, but I am good at that and it meant a lot that she knew it.

I regret that she never got to meet Autumn. For some reason I have this weird thing where I think that it is very important for grandparents and great grandparents to meet new children. I don't know if I am hoping that their years of wisdom will rub off on the baby or if they will pass on some secret code that will tell them how to live a fulfilling life. I know that she can see her now, but it's not the same.

Grandma Rose, thank you for letting me into your life for a brief moment. You touched my heart and I will always remember you. Please watch over us as you wait to meet with us again. I, selfishly, must as one or two more favors of you. Please hold Ember's donor angle close to you and whisper sweet songs of joy in his/her ear. Tell her angel that we love her/him. Also, if you see my Grandma Hill, tell her I love her. Until we meet again....I love you. We love you.

Wordless Wednesday....Just like daddy

A little late, but at least I am here.

These pictures were taken a few weeks ago.

This is the little girl who refuses to wear a hat for more than 15 minutes at a time. She asked to have the bandanna put on her head and she love it.

Now if you put one on her, she will wear it for a few hours at a time. She has also started to wear the cute little crocheted hat that I bought her.

Oh! And I did the Shred for today too. I am going to go die now.

Normal revisited...

I was recently reading through a bunch of old posts that I had made on Ember's old CaringBridge site and came across one that I feel needs to be revisited. For those of you that don't know what CaringBridge is, click here to find out.

The post that I am talking about was titled Normal and it can be found here.

Since Autumn has been born, pleople have asked me if she is a normal baby or if she is having any problems like Ember had. People ask me all the time how Ember is doing now and if she is normal or if our life has returned to normal again.

So, again, I find myself asking....What is normal?

Normal for us is looking into those beautiful eyes and not seeing one ounce of yellow.

Normal is a round belly just because some babies actually have round bellies.

Normal is still checking her temperature constantly because she feels warm even though she doesn't have a fever.

Normal for Ember is going to Children's once a month for labs to make sure LuLu the liver is still happy.

Normal is not having to see the liver team for 6 months.

Normal is knowing that my baby isn't sick anymore, but she still has the potential to become very sick, very quickly.

Normal is 1 medication in the morning and two at night without a fight.

Normal is knowing that Ember is stronger than anyone I have ever met.

Normal is newborn jaundice with levels that were actually higher than Ember's ever were.

Normal is still love. Even more love than I thought I could ever feel.

Normal is still fear. Even more fear than I thought I could ever feel.

Normal is two happy, healthy babies to brighten the day.

Normal is calling the pediatrician and liver team a bazillion times in the course of two days because one of both of the girls is sick just to make sure that everyone is on the same page.

Even though Ember's scars are healed and covered up, I know they are still there.

Normal is still feeling my heart break for all liver babies, especially those that have been called away.

Normal is waiting for Autumn to turn 11 weeks. One more day than Ember was when she had her first surgery.

Normal is praying and hoping beyond all hope that my second baby will never, ever have to go through anything like what her sister has gone through. Yet, praying that she will find it in her heart to be just as sweet and compassionate.

Normal is wondering what milestones will come for Autumn before, at the same time, or after they came for Ember.

Normal is wondering if this baby will crawl before she walks because she won't have an enlarged liver or spleen to stop her.

Normal is the shock of how emotional I was in November when talking to people about Ember's transplant anniversary. Especially in front of a large group of Partylite consultants.

Normal is watching my two babies create a silent bond that even I, as their mommy, will never be able to understand.

Normal is still talking about poo.

Normal is most definitely waiting. Waiting for Autumn to grow into a little person. Waiting for Ember to discover something new and exciting. Waiting for my girls to become the best of friends...I think I am starting to like this whole waiting thing.

Normal is still being strong and determined, but now it is to guide them both through this life. Being strong and determined to help them turn into strong, beautiful, and compassionate people.

Normal is two beautiful smiles that brighten my day no matter how bad it is. Normal is absolutely not what I expected.

So, is Autumn a normal baby? Is Ember a normal baby now? No, my girls are extraordinary babies. Is our life normal again? It always has been normal. Again, it may not meet your definition of normal, but it meets ours.