Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Normal revisited...

I was recently reading through a bunch of old posts that I had made on Ember's old CaringBridge site and came across one that I feel needs to be revisited. For those of you that don't know what CaringBridge is, click here to find out.

The post that I am talking about was titled Normal and it can be found here.

Since Autumn has been born, pleople have asked me if she is a normal baby or if she is having any problems like Ember had. People ask me all the time how Ember is doing now and if she is normal or if our life has returned to normal again.

So, again, I find myself asking....What is normal?

Normal for us is looking into those beautiful eyes and not seeing one ounce of yellow.

Normal is a round belly just because some babies actually have round bellies.

Normal is still checking her temperature constantly because she feels warm even though she doesn't have a fever.

Normal for Ember is going to Children's once a month for labs to make sure LuLu the liver is still happy.

Normal is not having to see the liver team for 6 months.

Normal is knowing that my baby isn't sick anymore, but she still has the potential to become very sick, very quickly.

Normal is 1 medication in the morning and two at night without a fight.

Normal is knowing that Ember is stronger than anyone I have ever met.

Normal is newborn jaundice with levels that were actually higher than Ember's ever were.

Normal is still love. Even more love than I thought I could ever feel.

Normal is still fear. Even more fear than I thought I could ever feel.

Normal is two happy, healthy babies to brighten the day.

Normal is calling the pediatrician and liver team a bazillion times in the course of two days because one of both of the girls is sick just to make sure that everyone is on the same page.

Even though Ember's scars are healed and covered up, I know they are still there.

Normal is still feeling my heart break for all liver babies, especially those that have been called away.

Normal is waiting for Autumn to turn 11 weeks. One more day than Ember was when she had her first surgery.

Normal is praying and hoping beyond all hope that my second baby will never, ever have to go through anything like what her sister has gone through. Yet, praying that she will find it in her heart to be just as sweet and compassionate.

Normal is wondering what milestones will come for Autumn before, at the same time, or after they came for Ember.

Normal is wondering if this baby will crawl before she walks because she won't have an enlarged liver or spleen to stop her.

Normal is the shock of how emotional I was in November when talking to people about Ember's transplant anniversary. Especially in front of a large group of Partylite consultants.

Normal is watching my two babies create a silent bond that even I, as their mommy, will never be able to understand.

Normal is still talking about poo.

Normal is most definitely waiting. Waiting for Autumn to grow into a little person. Waiting for Ember to discover something new and exciting. Waiting for my girls to become the best of friends...I think I am starting to like this whole waiting thing.

Normal is still being strong and determined, but now it is to guide them both through this life. Being strong and determined to help them turn into strong, beautiful, and compassionate people.

Normal is two beautiful smiles that brighten my day no matter how bad it is. Normal is absolutely not what I expected.

So, is Autumn a normal baby? Is Ember a normal baby now? No, my girls are extraordinary babies. Is our life normal again? It always has been normal. Again, it may not meet your definition of normal, but it meets ours.


  1. Wow, I don't know what the whole story is but it sounds like it was a trying year. Praying for your girls and family.

    Visiting from SITS

  2. Visiting from SITS. Hope things get better soon. My prayers are with you.

  3. Thanks ladies! A little background...My daughter Ember received a Liver Transplant Nov 18, 2008. The original post was made just before her transplant. This post was in answer to how things have changed. Especially with a new little one in the picture.

  4. This is beautifully written. Lovely. I just clicked over from SITS ... will be back :)

  5. I can completely relate to how "normal" is different for everyone.

    Stopping in from SITS.

  6. What a great post. I agree completely. So well said!