Bad Birthday Mommy!

I am SUCH a bad birthday mommy!  I neglected to post about and wish my little Mouse a Happy Birthday...almost a whole month ago!  Ugh!  So...here goes now! (So sorry Mouse! I love you!)

On Nov. 24th, my little Mouse turned 2!!!  Can you believe it?!  2!!!  It's as if she has grown up over night.  She went from being a little baby to this little girl who is walking running through our house and chattering away.  Sometimes we don't know what she is saying and other times she is popping out 5-6 word sentences!  She loves Elmo, her blankey, and her sister. (Even if she acts like she doesn't) 

I can't believe that she has gone from this:

To this:

in two short years. 

We love you so very much little Mouse and can't wait to see you grow and change.

Happy 3 Year Transplativersary!

My little Monkey received her gift of life three years ago today!!!!  Happy transplantiversary!  I love you SO much. (So do daddy and sissy)  Thank you Donor Angel for letting us have our little girl, we love you!

http://emberriley.blogspot.com/2011/11/3-years-ago.html

So many thoughts.....

...so little room inside my head! 

That is how I am feeling lately.  I have so many things going on inside my head right now that I wish I could just hit the pause button.  Most of it revolves around what I am going to do about this whole losing the band issue.  A lot of the thoughts aren't even my own, they are everyone else's.  It's like I have this pollution of other opinions in my head that I can't seem to shake.  Not that other opinions are always a bad thing, it's just a lot right now.  Some of the thoughts are about school and wondering if I am even going to make it through this crazy semester.  Also wondering if I can even get a good enough grade on the test I have to take to apply for nursing school.  Ugh! 

First off, I still don't know what the answer is for the issue of losing my band.  Admittedly, I suppose I really shouldn't since it hasn't even been a whole month since it had to come out.  I just wish there was an easy answer.  I wish I could reassure myself and everyone else that I've got it handled and know what I am doing.  The truth is, I have no effing clue!  I'm not even back to 100% yet so I suppose I shouldn't worry about it, but I am.  I am gaining weight back and it's depressing.  I am hearing from everywhere, including my own mom, that I don't need the band.  That I can do this on my own.  I can absolutely see where everyone is coming from, especially mom, given what I have been through.  However, if I didn't need the band and really could do this on my own I wouldn't have gotten it in the first place.  Every other tool I have ever used has failed. Or, well, I have failed at using it.  This was the only tool that ever worked and worked well for me.  On the other hand, no one can guarantee what happened would never happen again.  I'm not sure I am ready for a more invasive procedure.  I wasn't when I got my band the first time.  I just don't know yet.  I feel like I don't belong anywhere right now.  I mean, I have had WLS, but I don't have my tool anymore, so I technically can't say I belong with the WLS group anymore.  Plus, having had WLS, my outlook on certain things is different, and people still don't understand why.  Especially now that I don't "have" to follow the rules.  So, I really don't belong with the non WLS groups either.  *sigh*  I am just sad, angry, and confused about this whole mess right now.

As far as school goes, I am going to trudge through, but I am worried.  I have been trying and trying to get prepared for applying for nursing school and something always comes up.  I have been trying to apply now for 3.5 years and it still hasn't happened.  I have to take a college mandated test and get a certain percent on the math portion in order to even be able to apply.  So far, that hasn't happened.  *Sigh*  This semester is going to be rough as well.  I am taking Anatomy & Physiology 1 & 2 at the SAME TIME!  Why yes, I am crazy!  Thank you for asking!  I have to if I want to apply for next years nursing program.  I need to re-take A&P 1 to get a better grade and I have to take A&P 2 because it has to be completed by the end of this semester.  Never mind the fact that this is my THIRD TIME taking these classes.  All schools have a 5 year window on their sciences!  Which, imo, is ridiculous! 

The one good note I do have right now is that I have started the C25K program over again and it is going well.  I finished Week 2 Day 2 this morning and it was good.  I think I am a little slower now than last time, but as I said above I am not completely myself either.  I can't wait until I feel better and can get through the day without being so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open.  I am sure my Monkey and Mouse can't wait for mommy to get back to 100% either. 

I lost it...

So, a lot has happened since my last post!  Unfortunately most of it is actually pretty bad.  I did make it through week 5 of the C25K training before the bad stuff happened!  Very excited about that!  So, I will just kind of lay out timeline for everyone starting on July 10th. Warning, this is kind of long!

July 10 -

I woke up with a slight bit of pain in my chest when I coughed.  I had this annoying dry cough for going on 3 weeks now, so I really didn't think much about it other than I would be calling my Dr again on Monday to see what else we could do.  We had planned on taking the day to go looking at e-readers and taking the girls to Build-A-Bear to use their yard sale money.  We went to Best Buy first and by the time we got there, my pain had gotten a little worse.  It was getting a little difficult for me to walk around a lot and the girls were being little heathens so we left after about 30 minutes of looking.  We then went to the mall and got the girls to Build-A-Bear.  By then I was hurting more when I just tried to take a deep breath.  I was concerned that I was having an issue with my band, so I called the surgeons exchange and was given no real decent info other than if it gets worse, go to the ER.  Ugh! By the time we got home, the pain was unbearable and we decided to take the girls to my mom's and head up to the ER.  We went to the ER at the hospital where I had my band done at just in case it was a band issue.  When we got there, I was given blood work, a CT scan, and an EKG (because of the chest pains).  They also had me do a Urine test, but I haven't a clue why.  They NEVER came and took it to the lab.  Also, for half the time I was in the ER, I didn't even have an arm band.  I mean, they had no clue who I was with nothing to check it against.  Anyway, the CT scan was normal so they said that they thought I had a condition called Pleurisy.  They gave me a shot of pain meds and sent me home with an prescription for pain pills and told me to drink lots of fluids.  O.k., great.  I can do that.  Well, while we were waiting at the pharmacy, I took a few drinks of Apple Juice and suddenly got a horrible pain located at the base of my sternum and it shot down to my left lower abdomen.  It was horrible.  I couldn't get it to stop.  I was worried about a UTI and was just going to call the Dr the next day if the pain didn't go away.

07/11 - The pain didn't go away.  In fact, it was worse!  So bad that I couldn't move or be touched without screaming out in pain.  My mom was here taking care of me and started calling all three of my Dr's.  (OB - just in case it was something related, Primary care, and lap-band surgeon)  ALL of them said to head back to the ER.  I was terrified.  It is about a 30 minute car ride and the pain pills were not helping me AT ALL!  So, we get back into the car and make the long, horrible drive to the ER again!  They did another CT scan, this time of my whole abdomen and chest, drew more blood, and called the Lap-Band interns (or as I call them ducklings) in to see me just in case.  They, again, did no urine test.  The interns decided to take fluid out of my band to see if that would help at all with my pain.  It did slightly with the pain in my chest, but did nothing for the pain in my abdomen.  After a long wait, the Dr came in and told me "Well, the CT scan doesn't show anything so we aren't sure what is wrong.  We are going to send you home with a medication that helps with Ulcers just in case you have one.  Follow up with your surgeon and primary care tomorrow."  I asked point blank if the pain could be from a cyst on my left side.  He told me, "Well, you have a cyst, but it's on the other side."  That was fine.  I have known about a cyst on the right side for awhile now, but it's never caused problems.  As the Dr. kept talking he confused me by referring to a cyst on the left side too.  So, I then asked, "Do I have a cyst on the left and right side?".  He said yes, the one on the right was smaller than the one on the left.  I was SO confused!  I asked to see the CT scan report so I could give it to my OB when I saw him.  When I got the CT report I was even more confused and mad.  The CT report mentioned NOTHING about a cyst on the left side!  So, home we went.  All the while, I am in unbearable pain.  I cried the entire ride home I hurt so bad.

07/12 - The huz stayed home with me.  I couldn't move at all without yelling out in pain.  I called ALL of my Dr's looking for appointments that day so I could get an answer for my pain.  No one could see me until Wednesday.  I was SO angry.  I actually told my primary care's office (after I got a lecture about going to the ER I went to rather than the one they are associated with) that I felt like I was going to die before someone cared enough to figure out what was wrong with me.  So, I spent another day wallowing in pain.  The only saving grace I had was that the pain meds would put me to sleep even if they didn't numb the pain.  I had three Dr's appointments the next day beginning with my Lap-Band surgeon.  And later in the day they called to tell me that I couldn't have anything to eat or drink after midnight. And, oh by the way, no pain meds either! 

07/13 - I was in so much pain, I was reduced to riding in a wheel chair to the Dr's office.  I cried on the way to his office in the car, on the wheel chair ride from the car to his office, and while in his office waiting to see him.  When I finally saw him, he elected to admit me into the hospital right away.  He wanted to do an upper GI to see of there were any ulcers, tears, or erosion in my stomach that would be causing this.  NOT what I wanted to do, but I needed answers.  And, honestly, after 3 1/2 days of constant pain I was worn out and couldn't really fight anymore.  So, we do the GI scope and find NO answers.  I was told that the next option would be surgery to put a camera into my abdominal cavity to see what was actually going on.  If the band was infected it would have to be removed.  So, I go down for surgery and find out that because of the infection my blood sugar is well over 400!!!!!!  So, then we start with the insulin on top of the pain meds and anti nausea meds I was taking.  After surgery, I wake up to find out the band was removed and I had two drains as well as two open incisions that had to be packed every day!  I was told that I had a "female infection" that also affected the band so it had to come out.  I was on three IV antibiotics and two different pain meds as well as anti nausea meds. 

7-13 through 7-16 - I endured 4 days of hell in the hospital.  VERY not impressed with them.  I had no answers and no real care at all.  My mom came up on Friday and helped give me a sponge bath because no one at the hospital had offered.  Thursday I was left in the bathroom for 30 minutes with no help at all and I only saw my nurse 3 times her entire shift!  Any time I asked what the labs were for, I got the answer of "We just need to get some labs".  Finally on Saturday I had enough and got my mom to come up to talk to the Dr's. I really felt like either I needed to be transferred to another hospital or be released!  It was THAT bad.  I also felt like maybe I was just too foggy from the pain meds and making a lot of it up or not remembering I did have answers.  Well, it wasn't me and I didn't have answers.  Mom didn't really get any either, but I was released.  I think it was more because they wanted to get me out of their hair!

SO, fast forward a week and I am still feeling bad.  My OB is VERY concerned about the care I received and basically offered to completely take over my case even though it really wasn't his issue.  He did an exam and ultrasound and really didn't think that I had any "female infection" at all, but couldn't tell unless he saw pictures from my surgery.  He was trying to get them, but the hospital wasn't playing nice with him at all.  I had called several times and finally got a release from the hospital so he and I can both see my records.  I just wanted answers!

Today I got a few.  I saw the surgeon and he sad that he still thought it was some type of female infection that started the whole thing.  He also said that it could take up to another month for me to feel completely normal again.  That was not news I wanted to hear.  He was very concerned about how I felt and that today is my last day of antibiotics.  He told me that the cultures they took from my surgery grew gram positive virulent cocci.  It is just a type of bacteria that you can get.  He is confident that the antibiotics he gave me are treating it, but wants to make sure that I was on them long enough. 

So, for now I still have a sharp pain in my back whenever I move the wrong way or take too deep of a breath.  He said that he thought it was muscle or nerve related and it would take time to go away.  I got the staples removed so I can try to lift the girls now.  Not sure how that is going to go.  And I am still out of breath when I do very little activity.  However, I am here and progressing.  It was very scary not knowing what was wrong with me.  I truly thought that I might die.  It was to the point where I was going to start writing letters to my girls just in case.  It seems overly dramatic now, but I can tell you that nothing I have ever gone through has scared me like this.  It still kind of bugs me today when I think about it.  Hopefully time will help.

Guilty as charged!

This post is a little late (considering the incident happened on the 17th!), but better late than never!  Let me start off by saying that this journey through weight loss surgery has been rough at times.  By rough, I don't mean the, this "diet" is too hard so I will cheat a day type of rough.  I mean, changing your entire life, the way you think about food, and getting something literally stuck and having to puke rough. 

Yes, I did say puke!  Because that is what happened to me on the 17th!  You are told straight up that it can and will happen.  Then you go about your daily life thinking, "Not me.  I'm going to be so good and follow the rules so well that I will be fine." (Insert hockey goal horn here) WRONG! Friday morning a friend had surgery and I was trying to get her prescription filled quickly so I could get it back to her.  I decided to get something to eat because I was starving.  Well, I wasn't paying a bit of attention and started eating like I would have before my surgery.  It wasn't until about the 4th bite that I started to notice a horrific pain in my chest.  Then I noticed that I could literally feel the food in my throat.  It took about 5 minutes for me to get it all back up and, let me tell you, it was the most horrible experience I have EVER had.  I've never had a heart attack, but that is what I equated the pain to.  Needless to say, I have learned my lesson.  Since then I have slowed down and really tried to watch what I eat. 

As a result of that and Support group the other night, I have decided to challenge myself to keep up with the 60g of protein requirement this week.  In order to do that, starting yesterday I have been taking pictures of breakfast, lunch, and dinner with the calories and protein content and posting them to facebook.  It is a bit of an interactive food journal for me.  Yesterday it kept me honest and I didn't try to cheat by not eating as much protein.  It's kind of one of those things of "I told my friends I am having this, so I have to!".  Plus, I think it is neat to show people what I am eating and how much is an actual serving for me. 

Also, as of last week, I am down 22 pound!  I have also finished week 3 of the Couch to 5K!  excited about that!  Hopefully it will stop raining today so I can start on week 4!  I am thinking about registering for a 5K on August 13th, but I'm not sure yet.  I was going to wait until after this week to see how it goes.  If I have to repeat too many weeks, I won't be ready for it.  We will see.  Here are a few pics that I have posted of the food!

Turkey sausage and 2 scrambled eggs 300c/25P

Pita with turkey, roast beef, and Colby jack cheese slice, light mayo, and mustard. With ranch cucumbers. 196.2c/21.17p made it past 60g of protein for the day!!!!

Things I've noticed and other news...

It has been almost 5 weeks since my surgery.  Over that time, there are things that I have started to notice.  Some of them bother me and some of them I am alright with.  These things are:

- I have not bitten my fingernails once since my surgery date.  They are actually growing!

- Some friends do not understand why I had my surgery and it appears that a few of them could care less to try to understand.  Thank you to those of you who are trying to understand.

- The food police are everywhere!

- I feel better, healthier.

- I am still obsessed with stepping on the scale every day!

- My life still revolves around food, but in a much better way.

- I feel like I am actually accomplishing something with my new running/walking program.

- A lot of family and friends have told me that they notice my 20 pound weight loss (19 according to my Dr's scale. I like my scale better!) just by looking at me, but I can't see it yet.

- This process is even harder than I thought it was going to be.  I mean, I knew it was going to be hard, but I think it's harder.

Now, on to other news.  Monday I got my first fill in my band.  By special request, I am going to explain that.  It seems that I haven't been as good at that as I had thought!  You see, when the band was first put in, it wasn't filled at all.  If you want to know what the band looks like, go here.  They do this because of the swelling that happens from the initial placement of the band around the stomach.  Typically you go to the dr 4-6 weeks after your surgery for your first fill.  A fill means that the dr will take a needle and stick it into the port, which is just under the skin (mine is just above my belly button), and will fill the band with a small amount of saline solution.  This is what helps you to feel full quicker and for a longer period of time.  Depending on the person, you can have between 4-6 fills before you are at the point that works best for you.  I have also been told that a lot of people can't tell that big of a difference with their first fill.  Which, so far, has been my case.  We will see as I start progressing to ground beef and chicken.  That is this coming week!  Yay!  next fill is July 25th! 

Oh!  I finally got my salad and it was great!!!!  Yum!  I also made it through week one of the C25K program!  Week 2 started Monday.  Let me tell you, this fat soon to be skinny girl can barely run for 90 seconds at a time!  That is pitiful!  But, I am pushing through it.  We will see what tomorrow brings with day 2 of week 2. 

Week Three and a new start

So, I am three weeks (almost 4) post surgery and I feel good.  I am starting to eat real food again (Fish, seafood, pitas, low carb wraps, thinly shaved lunch meat, etc..) and it is going well.  I get my first fill in a few weeks and I have to tell you that I can't wait!  I am excited about seeing how it changes my weight, how I feel about myself, and my ability to exercise even more.  I am also a bit worried about whether it will change the things that I have already gotten to start eating again.  I know that I still have a lot to work on with the chewing food up and not drinking while eating.  (or for an hour after!)  That, I have to say, is the hardest part.  I honestly don't miss soda that much, but getting used to not drinking while eating is hard!  Very hard.  I catch myself reaching for my water all of the time when I am eating. 

By week 6 I will get to start incorporating ground beef again.  I can't tell you how happy about this I will be.  I want a burger SO bad it's not even funny. There is only one thing I want more than that.  A good salad!  I have no idea when I can start having that.  I think week 5, but I will check with the nutritionist.  I know, who wants a salad over a burger?!  hehe  I am so weird.

I am supposed to workout for 30 minutes at least 4 times a week.  I have not been able to do this previously, but I started getting into it today.  My little Mouse started preschool this morning. :( *tears* She is going two days a week so I thought that this would be the perfect time to start something new.  So, I started the Couch to 5K running program this morning.  I made it through without stopping, but I wanted to so bad!  I know that this week is only 60 seconds of running with 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes, but for me, that is VERY tough!  And I am very slow with the running.  The C25K site calls me a penguin because of my waddle/run! hehe  Though, I made it through 1.2 miles of running/walking today.  I never thought that I could do that before.  So, in celebration, I added two new tickers!  Yay!  I am down 18 pounds!  SO excited.  We will see what the next few weeks bring with this new exercise stuff.

Deja Vu...sort of

I was going to give everyone an update on how I was doing since my surgery, but something more important has come up. 

The huz's cousin, I guess she is my cousin too!, had a new little boy two nights ago.  We found out that they learned last night that he has a heart defect and he was being transferred to a different hospital.  I cannot tell you how much this makes my heart ache for her family.  Even though we haven't actually met since they live on the other side of the US, I feel a close bond with her.  When I was preggo with Monkey, she was preggo with her first little one.  An adorable little Monkey of her own.  She is just too cute! 

I also can't even begin to explain to you how hearing this brought all of the memories from when Monkey was born flooding back.  I am not sure how many people I actually told this story to, or how many remember.  I remember like it was yesterday. 

The day that I was supposed to be discharged, we were seen by the GI on call to discuss that there might, might be an issue with Monkey's liver.  She talked with us for a little while, threw out about a dozen names of diseases that she could have, and then said words that I will never forget.  She said, "I am debating on whether to keep her here rather than letting her go home so we can run more tests."  I was devastated.  It was like someone knocked all of the wind out of me.  Shortly after the GI left, I was sitting in my bed just looking at Monkey sleep in her bassinet when my OB walked in.  He asked me how I was doing and I immediately started bawling my eyes out.  He was the best!  He calmed me down and asked me what was wrong.  I told him that she might not get to come home with us.  He said that he knows that it would be hard, but it is what is best for her.  He also said that he and his wife had to leave one of their babies at the hospital for a few days after he was born and it was hard, but it was better for him.  Luckily, Monkey got to come home with us and we just brought her back for tests the following Monday.  It was the best feeling in the world.

Unfortunately, Ashley and her family do not have this option.  Baby boy has already been transferred to a new hospital.  We are waiting to hear what they have to say.  I can't imagine what she is going through and I am constantly thinking about her and her family.  This is one of those situations where I am ready to jump in the car or on a plane and help out if needed.  I know she has enough support, but I hope she knows I would be there in a heartbeat! Please take a few moments out of your day to say a prayer, send good thoughts, or just think of their family.  I am sure they will appreciate it.  I know I do and I did when we were going through everything with Monkey.  I will update on myself tomorrow. 

On my way

Well, Wednesday May 11th was my surgery!  It was nerve wracking and a little scary because well, surgery is major.  Even if it is something routine, it's surgery people!  I can honestly say that of all the surgeries I have had, this has been the worst actually.  The day of my surgery, we got to the hospital at 12:30, got signed in, called back into the pre-op area and waited.  I hate waiting.  It always makes things worse.  I don't think I actually got taken back into the OR until around 2ish.  When I got out of the OR, I stayed in recovery for awhile.  They were apparently waiting for rooms to become available.  I was actually really out of it and in a lot of pain so I didn't care about a lot other than wanting to pain to go away.  I got into my room around 6 or 6:30p.m.  I was glad to see my husband, but was still in pain.  The pain killers did a lot for the pain from the surgery, but not a lot for the gas pain in my shoulder joints.  It was much worse than anything I have had in the past.  I had to get heparin shots about every 12 hours.  They were not fun.  Especially since I got them in the arms rather than in the belly.  The nurses were very nice and were great!  I had to get up that night around 10p.m. and walk.  Let me tell you, that hurt a lot.  It was very slow going as well!

The next day I was still in and out of it thanks to the morphine! :)  They told me that I had to take a swallow test before they would let me eat or drink anything.  The swallow test is rather simple.  You stand in front of n x-ray board and swallow a substance that lights up on the x-rays.  They take a bunch of pictures to make sure that nothing has slipped or moved since the surgery.  Then you have to wait to see if you passed.  Luckily I did and I got to have a Popsicle (sugar free of course), SF Jello, water!, ice chips, and other things that I didn't eat actually.  I had to get up and walk to floor much more.  It was difficult because I was still very sore and trying to push an IV pole when you can barely hold your arms up is an experience in itself!  I got to go home around 4 or 4:30 which was great!  My step mother in law came up to the hospital and waited with me until they released me and then took me home.  So thankful for her! 

Since being home, I have been extremely sore.  It seemed to be getting worse and I was a little worried Thursday night because I spiked a little bit of a temperature. It only ever got to 99.8 and I think it was because I was trying to move too much.  Since then I have had a normal temp and been progressively getting around better and better.  I have 5 incisions and they are all pretty sore.  I have yet to wear jeans because two of the incisions are very close to my belly button and I know jeans would just hurt too much right now.  So, I have been very grungy the past few days in my sweats and shirts.  I went to an all day concert yesterday and walked most of the day actually.  I felt MUCH better after doing that.  It helped me get the soreness out of the muscles.  When we got home last night I looked at myself and it really looks like someone beat me up!  I have bruises everywhere.  I guess it is because of the heparin shots.  I tend to bruise easily, but never this easily! 

I think the worst part of this whole thing has been the diet and getting used to a completely new way of thinking.  I was on the clear liquid diet from Sunday to Sunday.  It was SO very hard.  I don't know that I could have done it for much longer.  I like Jello and Popsicles and all, but not all day every day!  Right now I am on the Full liquid diet.  That will last a week as well.  It is kind of misleading because I can have applesauce, yogurt, thin mashed potatoes and blended soups as well as all of the liquids I could have before.  I really need to start working on taking smaller bites of things now and chewing well.  I know that this is going to be one of my biggest struggles.  One of the suggestions in the book is that you actually set a timer for two or three minutes between bites.  I also need to chew my food to a toothpaste consistency before I swallow it.  That way it won't get stuck and I will have less of a chance of having issues of swallowing other foods. 

Once I get back to eating a more normal meal, which is at about 4 weeks out, I will need to start measuring out my food.  I will need to measure out a 1/2 cup of food for my meal.  They say that you are always supposed to go for the proteins first to fill you up rather than the carbs.  This is also going to be hard because you get used to eating a certain way and it is going to take a lot to get into a new way of thinking about food.  A dear friend, and liver mom, said to me on FB the other day "I guess you really have to change your relationship with food" and she's very right.  I have to start thinking about what is going to be best for me, not what sounds good or is quick.  I can't eat when I am bored or just because anymore.  I have to change everything.  I know that in the end it is going to be a good thing, but I am sure it is going to be a struggle to get there.  I am very glad that I have been able to have this opportunity. I know that a lot of people don't understand what this is all about and that's alright, but I'd rather they ask than just brush it off. 

Last meal please.....

So, as of this morning I started my liquid diet.  Can I tell you that, at just shy of 7 hours, it sucks!  More about that later. 

Thursday night we had to return a brand new TV that was just over 30 days old!  It just stopped working.  Wouldn't turn on at all anymore.  We were SO not happy.  After we went to the store and ended up getting a completely different TV, which was a little more expensive, I was starving!!!!  So, I decided that we needed to go to P.F. Chang's for my last big meal.  It was SO good!  I figured that since we were in the area, I would have my last big meal for a very long time.  Actually for forever since I will only ever be able to eat small portions again after Wednesday.  I was very pleased with my "last meal" and figured that yesterday would be a normal day of eating.  Well, we ended up going out again last night with the in-laws and I had Crab Legs!  YUMMMM!  So, I had two very good last meals over the past two days.  I can only hope that the thought of these meals will get me through the next few weeks! 

As of today, I have had a lot of Jell-o, a orange sugar free Popsicle, a protein shake that I almost threw up all over my step mother in law and my mother, a better protein shake, a lot of water and some chicken broth.  And this will continue for the next two days and then week following my surgery.  I know that it will be worth it, but right now I feel like crap.  I am hungry and verging on being cranky.  I know the cranky part is from my caffeine withdrawal!  We will see what tomorrow brings! 

Oh yeah!  I have a final to take tomorrow too!  Yay!

Time for some change...

It's time for some change around here.  Not only on the blog do you like the new background?, but in general.  I have a secret that only a select few people know about right now.  However, pretty soon everyone will find out anyway so, in the spirit of change, I thought I would just share it with everyone.  (I'll get to the spilling of the guts in a minute)

Let me just say that I understand that not everyone approves of what I am about to say and that's o.k.  It's my life, not yours.  It's also my decision, not yours.  I also understand that some people might have questions.  Great!  The more you ask me, the more I can explain to you so that you can understand where I am coming from.

O.k., on with the gut spilling.  In the very near future, a week from tomorrow, I am going to be having Lap-Band surgery.  It is something that I have thought very seriously about and have decided that it is the best option for me and my health.  I know that a lot of people view this as an easy way out, but let me assure you it is not.  This is actually going to be a very long and difficult road with very strict lifestyle changes.  I am going to try to start blogging again because I want to chronicle this journey I am about to take so that others understand the risks, benefits, and daily struggles of this type of choice.  This is a tool, not a fix all.  I am going to have to exercise for at least 30 minutes 4-5 days a week, watch what I eat extremely well, measure out everything that goes into my mouth, and make better choices about what I put on my plate.  

There are also certain things that I will have to give up indefinitely.  One of those items is anything carbonated.  This includes Soda, Beer - no big loss for me Yick!, Champagne, sparkling water, sparkling ciders, etc.  Sweets and other sugary items also have to go.  Just because you have this surgery, does not mean that you can't continue to gain weight.  I am also going to have to limit my caffeine intake to 1 cup of coffee or tea per day.  Also, no more straws.  They can cause gas intake which can lead to extreme discomfort.  This is the same reason I can't have carbonation any more.  I am going to need to take a multivitamin and a calcium chew for the rest of my life.  Honestly, this is probably something I should be doing anyway, but now it is more important to make sure I get all of the nutrients I need in a day.

I have learned a few things through this journey already.  I have learned that this is something I am committed to.  I know what I have to give up and what I am going to put myself through and I am alright with that.  I have also learned that apparently when you take a calcium supplement, only 500mg of calcium will absorb into your system at a time.  I am a science geek so I thought this was really interesting.  So, if you are taking a calcium supplement that is over 500mg, you are missing out on the full benefits.  

So, starting this Sunday, I will be on a liquid diet.  It will consist of Three protein shakes a day (bfast, lunch, and dinner), sugar free drinks, sugar free Jello, sugar free Popsicles, ice, sports drinks diluted in water, etc.  This is to help shrink the liver as well as empty out the stomach.  I will be on this diet for three days before and 1 week after my surgery.  I will get into the rest of the diet as that time gets closer.

So, I have hopeful that this is the tool that I need to help me discover the me I should be.  The me I want to be.  Only time will tell.  I hope this is a good journey for us all.