Thursday, January 14, 2010

Others choose to be victors....

I logged onto Facebook today to see one of my friends post a game in their status. The idea was simple enough. Grab the book that was sitting nearest to you, no searching for your favorite book, just the one closest. Once you grab it, flip to page 56 and read down to the 5th sentence and post it in your status. Mine was "Others choose to be victors." It kind of intrigued me. How do you choose to be a victor? I mean really, how does someone choose victory over things? Is it just the simple process of making it through a situation that makes you victorious? Is it coming out on top? Or is it realizing that you have become wiser?

Someone much smarter than I am must have the answers to these questions. It's not really a secret that I have a hard time believing in myself. A lot of the time it really only has to do with my body image. It's also no secret that I am on the larger side of the female population and I am sure that this has a lot to do with that image. I never feel like I am as large as I am until I see a picture of myself, go shopping, or hear someone who is impossibly skinny talk about how fat they are. It kind of makes me think, "Wow...if they think they are fat, I must be grotesque." I have always felt this way. Even when I was thin. Man........was I ever thin and beautiful?! (Really not trying to brag, but compared to now that is what I see)

Even though I have a hard time believing in myself, I have always tried to do a better job of it. I never really got the hang of it. I know that most of the people that know me would say that I am very confident. And I try to be on the outside, but inwardly I'm not. Inwardly I constantly think about what people think of me or how they perceive me. It's such a vicious cycle. I have started to get over this VERY little by little. I have started to recognize things that I can and cannot change. I am also trying to learn how to look past these feelings. It is very hard for me, but I truly want to be in that "Others" group whoever they may be. I want to be a victor rather than a failure.

I have a few big decisions, that may or may not make it to the blog, to make over the next few days and I truly want to choose to be victorious. In doing so, I have been trying to take steps towards changing my body image. That includes trying to exercise. Whether it just be that extra trip up and down the hallway while I am at home with the girls or trying to get over to my parents house to use the Wii Fit. (Sorry Wii Fit trainer, I have been lax the past week. The girls and I have been sick! Please don't yell at me!) I have also started read motivational and inspirational material. This is something that I've never really done before. I never thought that it was for me. However, I think that it is helping me find more of the inner peace that I need to stay committed to certain things. Including housework and trying to lose weight. Which, ultimately will help me to improve my body image.

So, if you are part of this "Others" group, please let me know how you did it. I'd love to learn. I would like to say that I am going to choose to be a victor, but I don't know quite how. For now, I will just say that I am going to try my hardest.


  1. hi from SITS - I'm in the not quite there yet category too...although I spend more time ignoring the body image than I should instead of spending time on it...
    I wish you luck in getting it together... :)