Welcoming Autumn Therese

Yesterday would have been the day that Autumn was to be born. However, she had other plans by way of being a lazy lazy baby. As a result of her laziness, she came into the world at 37 weeks 1 day on November 24. I went to the Dr on Monday, the 23rd, and we discussed what might happen on the day she was born due to my gestational diabetes. It did worry me that she might have to go to the NICU because my sugar was nowhere near as under control this time as it was with Ember. However, he reassured me that she might end up being just fine and we would have no complications at all.

Tuesday the 24th, I went to my regular monitoring appointment at the hospital. Almost every time I went for monitoring (twice weekly) I would have to have what is called a Biophysical profile performed. Basically it is an ultrasound that can take up to 30 minutes and they just sit and watch the baby practice breathe and then they watch for different types of movements. And so it was the same with this appointment. She did not pass the non stress part (just sitting on the monitor watching for heartbeat accelerations) so I went for the bio. She did not pass that either. She was truly being a lazy baby. She did the breathing just fine, but wasn't moving much at all. So, they admitted me for additional monitoring.

Right after that, my dr came in and we talked for a few minutes and he said that he really didn't think anything was wrong with her, but he couldn't be for sure. He said that he would feel badly about sending me home only for me to come back in a few hours if something really was wrong. So, he said that he thought that delivering right then and there was a good idea. He said that he was working on getting me in to an OR and he would be back. So, it was a scramble after that to notify all of the parents. It was a little scary because she was going to be so early. I realize that 37 weeks is not THAT early, but it is early enough to effect lung development.

The hubby arrived at 12:30 and by then they were almost ready to do my epidural. So, we did the epidural. Once again it took awhile for me to get numb, but I did get numb. :) At 2:00PM we went into the OR and by 2:22PM Autumn Therese was born. She was 7lbs 7oz and 19 3/4 inch long. She is absolutely beautiful! She did not have any issues at all and did not have to go to the NICU. We have once again been blessed. SO, rather than having a Christmas baby, we had a Thanksgiving baby.

I have posted a few pictures of her below. She did get a little jaundiced, but it was the normal newborn jaundice. It was a little unnerving, but I knew that even if something were to be wrong with her liver as well, we would be in good hands with Ember's liver team. Having her home has been wonderful also. She is just as lazy at home as she was before she was born. She likes to eat and she LOVES her sleep. (a little girl after my own heart!) Ember has also taken to her wonderfully. She is a great big sister! She hugs and kisses her all the time. It is so sweet. I am the luckiest mommy in the world to have two beautiful baby girls in my life. I don't know what I did in my past lives, but I must have done something right to deserve them. I only hope that I can live up to my end of the bargain and be what they deserve as well.

Nesting has just hit home!

So...at 34 weeks and 2 days (though I was convinced yesterday and the day before I was only 33 weeks! How did I lose a week?!!!) my husband will be happy to know that nesting overload has just hit home! Seriously people, I am crazy. I must be. That is the only thing that explains the craziness that just took place at my house today.

This morning Ember got picked up by Granny Franny so I decided to vacuum up her Cheerios that were all over the front room yet again. No big deal. Well, I saw dust cats flowing down the hall and thought to myself..."Hmm...the vacuum has a bare floor setting, I wonder if it will work on the hall." I saw dust cats because bunnies would be such an understatement. These things are as big as a normal size cat. I guess that is what you get when you have a 19 pound, long haired cat running around. Anyway, I proceeded to vacuum the hallway.

We have a hardwood hallway!!!!!!! Not only did I vacuum the hallway, but I brought out the attachment and sucked up all of the dirt in the crevices and all along the baseboards. I even vacuumed the legs of the table and stools in our hallway! The thought even crossed my mind to vacuum the kitchen. Then I thought to myself "Nah...it's alright for now. Just get a broom later, after lunch and rest and things will be fine."

Well, lunch came and went. I sat and rested for a little bit and then after the 5th bathroom run in about 2 hours I couldn't stand it any longer! The dogs hair around the cages got to me, the cob webs that were in the bathroom got to me. The bathroom of all places people! So, I proceeded to vacuum the bathroom, backroom, and kitchen. I even swiffered and vacuumed the wall behind the dog cages people! I have completely LOST my ever loving mind.

Seriously, who does that?! Who vacuums a wall?! (Aside from the people at one of my old jobs. That was a must. Carpet on the walls, such a bad idea!) Crazy people! That's who! I mean seriously. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am nowhere near the happy homemaker that can keep her house clean on a daily or weekly or monthly basis. I think I am missing that gene along with the cooking gene. I've often said that I need a class in how to clean the right way. I know that no matter how hard I try to clean, it isn't clean enough. And today I think I just snapped. (Hello! I vacuumed a wall!)

I even used the swiffer wet jet in the bathroom and kitchen. Totally NOT as clean as it needs to be, but it's good enough for this second. I think that if I was confident that I could get down on the floor and get back up, I would have re-grouted the bathroom tile in the spots that came up while I was vacuuming!!! Ugh! Totally insane pregnant woman on the loose! Look out! Who knows where I might strike next!

So, honey, if you are reading this, I am sorry. I know there is a lot to do, but I think that more just got added to your list. :) Love you!

Everyone else, you now have even more proof that I am certifiable!

28 weeks, no scanner, and other stuff

Well, as of right now I am 28 weeks and 2 days. The time has flown by and I am starting to get very anxious and overwhelmed by the filthiness that is my house right now. We have stuff piled everywhere since we are remodelling the closet in the new nursery as well as the closet in our bed room. I would post pictures, but I can't find my upload cord! Ugh! Yet another thing that is driving me crazy right now! I can't find anything! Anyway, once the closets get done, they will be REALLY nice. Or at least that is the plan. We are going from two small, long closets to two large walk in closets.

I know that I haven't posted any pictures of Ultrasounds in awhile either and well, that is because my printer/scanner does not have drivers yet for my O.S. I have to wait until October and hope they come out with them soon. I never realized how much I used my scanner until I didn't have it. I also have this annoying pop up that tells me constantly that a USB device is not recognized. It is talking about my scanner! Ugh!

We put together my new desk last night and it looks amazing. I am so very happy with it. I am starting to feel like I am actually getting organized and my business is legitimate. I LOVE selling Partylite. It is SO much fun and has helped us out so much. We bought the floor for the nursery with the money I earned from my first month of Partylite. WE also got my laptop, my desk, and other various odds and ends. I REALLY want this to work out so I can continue to stay home with Ember and our new little girl. I also want Matt to have to not work so many hours. He works, on average, 60 hours a week so that I can stay home. It is stressful for both of us at times, but we know it is better this way right now. Especially with another one on the way. I just want so much to finally be successful at something I try. I really think that this could be it. So, (shameless plug), if you need candles, spa items, or home decor, just let me know. You can also visit my website and have it shipped directly to you. WWW.PARTYLITE.BIZ/JMCCOY

For now, I will post one of my favorite pictures I have ever taken of Ember and continue looking for the cord to the camera.

Another girl please!

That’s right!  We are having another girl!  This is so nice because we have so much stuff left over from Ember that she barely got to use since she was in the hospital off and on from the time she was 11 weeks until about 6 months old.  It is also nice because we can put them both into the same room without having to figure out a whole new bed set for Ember.  Although, we do have to remodel the room they are going to go into regardless.  The huz was a little dissapointed.  He wanted a boy SO bad!  Even so, I know that he is going to love this little girl just as much as he loves Ember. 

Right now we are in the process of painting the front room in order to turn half of it into the office for both of our computers.  Then we will move on to remodeling the new nursery.  New flooring, a new closet, new paint, and possibly some book shelf destruction.  We will see.  I will post new ultrasound pics later.  I don’t have them loaded to my new laptop yet!  SO excited about that!

I have been selling Partylite for over a month now and it has been VERY good for us. It has given us enough money to purchase the flooring for the nursery and to put a lot towards my new laptop!  So, (shameless plug) if you need to order anything, visit my website and order away! www.partylite.biz/jmccoy

Please help if you can

Please take a moment to read the story below. It is about a family who has suffered a tragic life changing event right when they should be celebrating the three new lives they brought into this world. Please help out in any way you can. Even if you simply copy and post this story to your blog in order to get the word out.

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June 15th, 2009 should have been the happiest day in Debbie and Ken’s life. After spending more than two weeks at Missouri Baptist Medical Center in St. Louis on bed rest, Debbie Martinez Goff gave birth to three healthy and beautiful babies: Kyle, Cara, and Molly. Debbie’s oldest son, Ben, 6, finally had the three siblings he had hoped to receive. Debbie and Ken were overjoyed – but their elation was short lived. As Debbie was being wheeled out of the operating room, she suffered a sudden, lethal and extremely rare delivery complication called Amniotic Fluid Embolism that resulted in cardiac arrest.

The nurses and physicians, acting immediately, brought Debbie back to life. However, the damage from this event was catastrophic to Debbie’s organs. She needs a ventilator to breathe, dialysis in place of functioning kidneys, and is fighting everyday to keep her liver functioning. She has suffered multiple cardiac arrests.

A tragic cascade of further complications has left Debbie on life support systems since that day – unable to speak, move, and most saddening – unable to care for and bond with her babies who were born 6 and 1/2 weeks premature. And her future is cloudy and uncertain. She has a tracheotomy, continues full time kidney dialysis, is still draining excess fluid from her body, receives an antibiotic for an unknown infection/excess white blood cell count, has received more than 100 units of blood, and is being prescribed antidepressants to help her deal with depression due to her condition.

The devastation from this horrible event is widespread. It has left Debbie unable to work, care and nurture her newborns together with Ken, or run a household of four young children with the unexpected expenses related to that task. Ken is obviously under unbelievable stress.
So far, Ken has relied upon the help of family and others just to “get by”. The babies are now home and are being watched in shifts. Meals are cooked and delivered by volunteers. This has allowed Ken to be at Debbie’s side around-the-clock, providing her with love and encouragement to keep the fight for her life going.

A distressing reality has begun to set in as Debbie’s family digs in for a long, long road to her recovery. It is not clear that she will ever be normal again. Any recovery will come after months of rehabilitation. It has become very clear that more in-depth assistance is required in order for Debbie and her family to survive this ordeal and be able to offer Kyle, Cara, Molly and Ben a fighting chance for a normal life.

Debbie has now been in an Intensive Care Unit for six weeks. While the medical costs are not fully known at this point, they will be huge and not even close to fully covered by insurance. And her expenses are separate from the hospital and doctor care for three premature babies, one of whom also needed a surgery following his birth. The family is working to deal with their huge, devastating financial demands as best they can. To this end, a medical expense fund has been established.

If you are able to help Debbie, Ken, Kyle, Molly and Cara, and Ben, you can make a contribution directly to:
Bank of America, Deborah M. Goff – Medical Fund
ATTN: Patti Hickey, 15115 Manchester Road Ballwin, MO 63011

From Ken and all of the family and friends of Debbie, we thank you for taking your time to read Debbie’s story and for any assistance that you may be able to offer.

My absence & an update

So...I know that it has been a long time since I have really posted anything of worth. First, I thought that I should explain my initial absence. The first week was because I was busy busy busy planning a party. Between trying to get ready for it and watching miss princess, I had no time to post. The night of the party, I found out some tragic news.

My friend Heidi lost her husband. He was murdered earlier in the week at one of the properties he was renovating. After this happened I was so deeply saddened for her and lost all motivation to write about anything. Heidi is so very special to me and it broke my heart for this to have happened to her. She, of all people, did not deserve this. (Not that any does, but her especially) I did not get to help her out a lot during the time that she really really needed people, but I hope that what little I could do was enough. I still get sad for her when I think about what she is missing. Her husband was such a generous man and was so excited about their upcoming baby boy. Heidi delivered a few weeks after his murder and I am sure it was a bitter sweet moment for her. For weeks I couldn't get up the strength to post anything. Mostly because, compared to what she was going through, it would have just seemed silly. She has now moved back home to Wisconsin and I truly think that it is going to be very good for her. Especially since she has three little ones now all on her own. I miss her every day and wish her the best every night in my own silent prayers.

As for the rest of my absence, I have just been tired!!!! I don't remember being this tired when I was pregnant with Ember, but I must have been. We have had two ultrasounds so far. The first one I have already posted.

The second one is here:

Not the best, I know. We do not find out what we are having until July 28th . I am hoping for a girl simply because we already have tons of girl stuff. I KNOW that this means we are having a boy. Of course, the huz wants a boy, but we both agree that healthy is best. However, if not, we feel we can deal with whatever comes our way. We are prepared for anything. (almost)

We also have welcomed a new cousin for Ember into the family. My Bother-in-law and Sister-in-law had a beautiful baby girl May 23. Congrats to you both and welcome to parenthood! It is the best!!!!

So...not much of an update, but that is all I have motivation for right now! I hope everyone has a great holiday. We are going to go on vacation next week so I hope to post some pictures when we get back! Ta! Ta!

100 things

There is a little item going around blogs so I thought I would post it here too. It is a list of 100 things and you are supposed to mark off the items that you have done. The things that I have done are in color.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (Marching and Concert band. Hey! They didn't specify)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt (helped gram cut the pieces out)
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone (Chipped, not really broken)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

My Junk Works....

Nuff Said.....

I will post later about my abscence.

Keep your comments to yourself!

Have you ever been in a store or a restaurant or a waiting room with your child and overheard someone say something about them? I'm not talking something to the effect of "Oh, how cute" or "See the baby". I am talking something that is kind of negative or downright rude. Yes, no, maybe?

Well, that happened yesterday to Ember and I. We were at the Dr's office with my mom and Ember was making noises, nothing too bad or anything. At one point during her little noise escapade, she made a few really high pitched noises with the help of grandma. (They were playing and Ember got a little excited!) NOT a big deal. Well, there was a woman and her pre-teen daughter sitting two chairs down from us. I heard her daughter ask her something, but I didn't understand her. Then I heard the woman say to her daughter, "Nothing, just making that baby show off". The tone of her voice was very judgemental.

I totally wanted to get up, walk over to her and smack her say, "Excuse me for having a happy baby! If you even knew what this child has been through, you wouldn't mind a high pitched squeak every once in awhile. Keep your comments about my baby to yourself!" I don't know why it bothered me so much, but it did! It was almost as if she was teaching her daughter that babies should be seen and not heard. Well, I have news for all of you out there. My baby will be seen and heard whenever she wants to. She is going to be taught that sometimes it's alright to speak up when you are not spoken to. (Among other things) If you don't like it, don't listen. However, I better not catch you telling her she should be seen and not heard.

My old boss used to be referred to as the Momma Bear because of how she fought for her team and she always stood up for us. Well, that is what I am when it comes to Ember, and this Momma Bear isn't nice when it comes to things like that. Keep that in mind next time you want to talk poorly about my baby!

Common sense seems to be lacking these days

I learned something today. I learned that common sense is extinct. It's true. I had a phone conversation with my health insurance company today that if I had not been part of, I would not have believed. I called them because I received a bill from my primary care physician with the following explanations as to why they denied my claim:

01/13/2009: denied, cannot identify patient as their insured (This was taken care of. They screwed up paperwork, and we resolved it in Feb.)

02/16/2009: denied, Anthem states other insurance is primary (I have no other insurance)

So, I called them thinking that it was just a mistake. Here is how the conversation went. (Paraphrasing slightly)

"Hello...this is so-and-so, how may I help you?"

"Well, you can tell me why my Dr's visits were not covered. I have a statement from my Dr's office stating (read above). I have been dealing with this since January and need to get it resolved"

"Well ma'am it appears that we have a letter here from August 2008 stating that you are insured with a different carrier as your primary. The letter states that from January 2006 until now you have insurance with another carrier"

"Excuse me? You are going off of a letter that was sent to you in August 2008?"

"Yes Ma'am. This letter states that you have coverage now with another carrier as your primary"

"You have GOT to be kidding me. That letter is from August 2008. It is now March 2009. That letter can't tell you I have coverage now from another insurance carrier. It can't read the future."

"I'm sorry, but this letter states you have insurance through another carrier from January 2006 until now."

"No. It says that I HAD insurance from January 2006 until August 2008. That letter can't speak for now. It was written in August of 2008"

And the conversation went on like this for another 10 minutes. She just wasn't getting that a letter written in August of 2008 could not tell her that I have insurance with someone else now! I even said to her that common sense would tell her that the letter is outdated. Her response was that "The letter says blah blah blah" GAH!!! I wanted to poke my eyes out with my pen by the time I was off the phone with her.

So, all in all, common sense did not prevail. I have to get a Certificate of Credible Coverage from my previous insurance and send it to Anthem. Then I have to wait for them to enter it into their computer before they will pay my Dr's bills. I truly feel for the next person I have to deal with at Anthem if they don't get this dealt with swiftly.

R.I.P. Common Sense. You will be missed.

Mother Nature, just so you know, I hate you.

That's right, Mother Nature and her monthly gift (or in my case bi-monthly gift) can kiss off! Ugh! Last week was the week when "Aunt Flow" visited. She stayed with us for four days and nights. Such a freeloader! She didn't even offer to pay for any of the extra food she made me eat!

That's right, in typical fashion, Aunt Flow made me eat everything in sight. She is just out of control! I could care less if she never visits again! She is demanding, rude, and makes life very inconvenient when she is here. Hence, why I have been avoiding posting anything about my weight. I TOTALLY botched my diet last week thanks to my horrid house guest!

I gained my weight back. Unfortunately, when Aunt Flow is around I do nothing but eat and curl up in a little ball of pain! It's almost always been this way. The joys of having PCOS (Click here for more info) and borderline endometriosis. Mother Nature, you can kiss it for that too!

So, now I am trying to get back on the wagon. It's just SO hard! I know I have done harder things, but I LOVE food! Bad Food! And Aunt Flow makes me want even worse food! We will see what happens next week. I did end up getting to take Ember to the park Tuesday when it was nice out. I actually got to walk with her in her stroller and she enjoyed it.

One day at a time. That is all I can think about. I just have to remind myself that there has to be more good one day at a time's than bad ones.

Oh! And Mother Nature...I'll get you. You just wait and see.

Wordless Wednesday...Who is that lobster? Oh! It's me!

This is the worst sunburn I have EVER had. It was so bad that I had to sleep at night with a cold towel across my chest.

Bye, I love you

While on a shopping trip with the huz this weekend I heard the words "Bye, I love you" uttered and I instantly wanted to smack the person who dared utter them in my presence. Let me set the scene for you...

I am patiently waiting for the huz to try on clothes just so I can tell him "No, that shirt does not go with those shorts, but I like both. Just not together." when I hear a small child playing the next aisle over. It just so happened to be the baby section of the store. Then I hear his mom say something to the effect of "Come on, we need to go" and the child keeps playing. The next thing I hear is "I'll leave you here if you don't come with me" which, of course, the child ignored. Then, she proceeded to say "Bye, I love you" and she walked away from him! Not just one or two steps. She walked about 12 feet away!

When I saw this, I walked over to see the child. It was a little boy who was maybe 2 years old. He looked up and instantly got a panicked look in his eyes, but didn't move. The mother walked back down the aisle and rather than grabbing his hand and taking him with her, she stood there telling him how they needed to leave. Well, once mommy returned, he started to play again. She again said "Bye, I love you" and walked away from him....this time further...without looking back!

I was instantly pissed at this woman. Then, it happened three more times! I couldn't believe my eyes or my ears. How could she do that? That's not love, that's torture. Every time he realized she walked away he panicked. The store was crowded that day too. Someone could have been watching, just like I was, and easily grabbed him when she walked away from him one of those times WITH HER BACK TURNED.

Also, you don't negotiate with a 2 year old and then walk away when his answer is to ignore you. Mommyhood to a 2 year old should not be a democracy. You take his hand or pick him up and take him with you. Then, you deal with whatever happens to be the reaction to that. I may be delusional, and my mind might change about that, but right now...this is where I stand.

I understand the frustration, and embarrassment, of dealing with a screaming child in the middle of a crowded and very public place. I really do. However, walking away from your child is NOT an answer. EVER. Sorry if I have offended anyone who has done this, it's just not an option for me.

What say you?

Great Video

This video was sent to me in an email and I think that it has a pretty profound statement. It says a lot of truths about our country and my generation. If we don't at least try to turn things around now, what will happen when Ember is my age? Will she make it to me age?

Wordless Wednesday....Look at that car!

These are pictures of my cousin Meaghan's car after going to get 100 bottles of soda for Ember's Trivia Night benefit. Hint: It's not supposed to sit that los in the back end!

For more Wordless Wednesday posts Click Here.

How could you?

I heard of this story on Monday night. It made me sick to my stomach. Now, I find out there is more. I am speaking of a story that is happening here locally where a woman had a baby last November at a home where she was visiting friends or partying or something and then tried to drown the baby in the toilet. She said, about this baby last November, that she didn't know she was preggo or giving birth! Then when police investigated her home, a location different from where she had the baby, they found the decaying body of an infant. They state that the infant has been deceased for at least a year. To read up on the latest on this story Click Here. O.k., here are my issues....(get ready for a rant!)

1) I may be wrong here, but I don't believe ANYONE who says that they didn't know they were pregnant when they are in active labor with a baby that is not smaller than 18 weeks (The time at when you could possibly feel the baby start to move). I mean COME ON! At some point you have to say to yourself, "you know what? I haven't had a period like I normally do." (Even if you spot, it's not a period) Yes, I know there are those who don't have regular periods, I was one of them, but you know...you know you do. Also, at some point, you have to say to yourself "You know, I don't think that movement is just gas"

2) I REALLY don't believe anyone who says that they didn't know they were in LABOR!

3) How can you live in a house with a decaying body? For over a year?

4) Why not give your baby away rather than harm him/her? Then, why have another? There are fixes for still getting to sleep around without the danger of pregnancy.

5) The social service system is broken. This undeniably proves it. Why don't people care enough to fix it? A system that only works 10% of the time should not be acceptable. But it is and no one cares to fix it.

UGH! This just bothers me SO much. I think mainly because of Ember. I know what I would have done in order to save her life. Now, there is this woman out there who, it seems, had one baby and either killed him/her directly or neglected him/her for so long that he/she died and then hid the body and then had another and tried to kill that baby as well. There are SO many people out there who can't have children...I was almost one of them...who would have gladly taken both of these babies off of her hands! OH! And that leads me to another rant which I will save for another day on Adoption Agencies and the sheer cost to adopt! And besides that, there are TONS of options before you even have a baby! Like protection, the morning after pill, and if it is for you, abortion. (Don't write me, not promoting, just stating facts!)

F'ing stupid bitch!

Yes, yes, potty mouth, but UGH! Things like this make me SO angry! I know plenty of people who would lay down their own life for their children. Children who are sick, and dying, and absolutely perfect in every way from the minute they were born regardless of whatever disease they have. And this woman, this person, just carelessly throws their life away. I just want to cry for these babies. They had no voice, no one to speak up for them and their feelings at their time of need. They had no one to hold them, care of them, and keep them safe from this woman's warped mind. At least the second baby is safe with relatives for the time being.

I say warped mind because something had to be wrong with her. How could she be completely sane and think that something to this magnitude was acceptable? How could anyone? And then to pleade not guilty? Even if you are insane, you are guilty and need help!

I could go on and on about this, but it would just lead to more F-bombs, so I will just leave it be.

White Castle's are my nemesis

That's right, they are. Those tiny, little square burgers with onions and cheese! I can't pass them up! Which, is a serious detriment to my diet! Do you know that one tiny little burger has 13g of carbs?!!!! That's one of my three servings for lunch or dinner! That is so not enough for me! And the chicken rings, OMG! Seriously, I could just die if they ever stopped carrying them. Yes, yes, I am a fat girl, we have discussed this! But aside from that, it wasn't a great week for my diet. I do REALLY well during the day and then dinner time hits and I get hungry. And it all goes out the window. Well, and the weekends have always been horrible for me. That is when we go out to eat and well, it's hard to be good then too! I only got to workout once this week. The rest of the week was consumed by running errands or house work. Though, I do think that the day I cleaned the kitchen should be considered a workout day too. I was freaking sweating by the time I was done!

I am excited that I got to go pick up my new bike this weekend though! Now it just needs to get warm enough to be able to ride it. I can't wait! So, the grand result of this week is 1.4 pounds down! :) I'm excited and I hope that I can keep it up! As for now, I am off to rustle up a snack and hop in the shower while maw maw occupies the little one.

Wordless Wednesday.....Watching Jack's Big Music Show

Go here to check out other Wordless Wednesday posts: Wordless Wednesday links

I have a confession....

Not really a confession I guess...just something that I want to get off of my chest. I figure that if I say it out loud, I might actually do something about it. It's also one of the things that I hate about myself......... The picture below explains it all. (I am the one on the right) My weight. It has gotten very much so out of control. As of right now, today, this very moment...well, enough time to walk from the bathroom to the computer anyway, I weigh...(I can't believe I am actually going to type this out loud!)......277.8 pounds GAH!!!!!!!!!! There! I said it! *hyperventilating* It's out there. No taking it back. Even if I hit the delete button right now it would still be there. Staring at me like some huge ass spider just ready to pounce on me without warning!

Anyway, yes....I am FAT! 100% and I know it. I have known it for quite some time. Trust me, it's not just because I had a baby. I was fat before that. In fact, after I Ember, I weighed 245. I was ecstatic about it. Imagine that, happy and overjoyed about weighing 245 pounds. *sigh*

This is me in high school. (That's the huz with me! hehe) I weighed all of 145 pounds. I thought I was fat then. Ugh! Gag me with a spoon. Society is a cruel thing to girls who are not the perfect size zero. Anyway, I know that I cannot EVER get back to this, but it would be nice to get under 200 pounds...or well at least in sight of it. I have tried SO many different things before with no success or very short lived success. Before I got pregnant I even considered having lap banding done. I was SO upset when I found out how very expensive it was and that we would never be able to afford it in a million years!

So, here I go again. I am going to try to start eating right again. I am going to start eating like I had to when I was pregnant. It was actually a very healthy option and it is now a great way to lose weight for me. I had gestational diabetes so I had to really watch my carb intake. It's just so much harder now that I am not preggo. It was easier then because I knew that what I put in my mouth directly effected Ember. I knew that if my sugar got too out of control that hers would plummet once I was born. I knew that I could potentially harm her if I didn't stay under control. Now, she's here and what I eat doesn't hurt her directly. Indirectly it could eventually yes, but now...not so much. I am going to start doing my DDR when I can and once the weather starts getting nicer, I am going to ride my new bike and skate. Then when I can get back into Derby, it's on. That will help a lot too. At least three workouts a week with them.

So, here is what I am going to do. I am going to try to post at least once a week, I can't guarantee the same day each week, about my weight loss or gain. Maybe that way I will stay on track. Any words of encouragement you have would be greatly appreciated. So....now that I feel bad for actually putting down on paper how gross I am, I am going to go hide under the comforter.

My title, new DVR, and the portal to Hell

It occurred to me that not many of you know what my title means or who the heck Jane or Angel is. Well, here is a mini explanation.

Jeannie....well, that's me! (DUH!)
Jane....well, this one is a bit more complicated. It is actually a nickname Matt started calling me. It is after Jane Jetson. In the beginning sequence of The Jetson's, George is giving Jane money and rather than taking the money he tried to hand her, she takes the money that is left in his wallet. Click here to see: The Jetson's Cute huh? Well, then it evolved in to Dammit Jane. My derby name. I MISS derby more than anything! I can't wait until I can join up again. Dammit Jane is everything that I am not and a few things that I am. She is a touch on the glamorous side, confident, brave, a mother to everyone, and a protector. She'll kick your ass for hurting one of her friends/family and ask you why later. (You get to decide which of these is me and which all DJ)
Angel....Again, a nickname from Matt
Mommy...Obviously, I am a mommy
etc.....this includes Bitch, Freak, Goth wanna be, Cute, Fat, Anxious, and all of the other things I am that I try to hide on a daily basis.
So, now you know and knowing is half the battle (or so says G.I. JOE)

Today we got a new DVR and it is great!!!!! We can record a show while watching another one! This has answered ALL of my TV watching dilemmas. I know, I am a little behind everyone else, but hey! Let me revel in my tiny little victory. Now I will no longer have to sacrifice CSI for Hell's Kitchen!

And here is where the portal to hell comes in. The installation guy came in and asked me where the wire came into our front room at and I said from underneath where the TV was sitting. He then asked me if it was a basement or how to get down there. I told him it was a crawl space. I said that I wasn't exactly sure how to get from the crawlspace into the underneath of the front room for sure. He just looked at me with this "You have got to be kidding" look. I told him that well, I don't deal with spiders and bugs and whatever else could be lurking down there. I neglected to tell him that I am pretty sure that in that tiny, dark little space under my house there were Zombies, Ghosts, and possibly the portal to hell. Though, none of these scare me anywhere near as much as a spider or snake crawling on me. I'll gladly take my chances with Cthulhu (for those of you who don't get the reference....Cthulhu ) himself if I have to, just as long as you don't get a spider or snake anywhere near me! Yes, yes, you think I am overly dramatic, but it's true. I fear them simply because of the bite factor. I know that some snakes do not let go when they bite. That scares the crap outta me. Spiders are even worse. (And my skin just started crawling even thinking about it!) They are hairy and have 8 legs and they can bite you too and some can even make your flesh rot off! yuck yuck yuck Don't get me wrong, the possibility of the undead freaks me out too, but I feel like I am somehow better equipped to deal with that than the unnaturalness of snakes and spiders. (o.k., the undead aren't exactly natural, but I think you should understand where I am coming from on this people!)

Yes, sadly, these are the things I think about at night. When it is just me and the baby at home, with no one else around to watch me freak out. hehe And Ghosts, yes, I do believe in them. They creep me out too, but nowhere near as much as afore mentioned spiders and snakes. I am also not prepared to deal with The Mothman, those crazy mountain guys from Wrong Turn, and possibly the dark. It is kind of funny though, sometimes when the huz and I get together with our friends to watch a scary movie, we talk about how we could survive it because of our gaming adventures. HAHA! But, that is a story for another time. I guess I should add scaredy cat to my title as well.

Welcome to my craziness people. This is how my mind works. We have now come full circle...starting with my title, to the DVR, to the portal to hell, Zombies, ghosts, my friends, and back to my title. Hope you enjoyed the trip.

Attempting something not so new...

I have decided that I am going to attempt to jump into the already gigantic world of blogging. I know that I will probably not get any notoriety for my blog, but I needed a place to get my thoughts down on paper and let's face it, I type much faster than I can write. So, here it is. My random thoughts for all of you to enjoy or not.

Today is technically my second day as a stay at home mommy. I LOVE it! I know, I know, everyone is thinking "you say that now", but it's true. I never pictured myself as a stay at home mom. I always thought that I would continue working because, well, I really do hate NOT having something to do. Yes, now and then it is nice, but if it is all the time, I tend to get a bit agitated. Well, that all changed when Ember came along. The minute she was born, I knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I am sure that happens to many moms and I am by far not the first one to come to this revelation. Yeah, yeah, I get it. SO not original, but that is what happened. Now, I get to. After 8 1/2 months of life, most of which I was at home with her for anyway due to her liver disease, I am with her all the time. So far, so good. Even today when she is really fussy and not feeling well. (Stuffy nose, teething, NOT liver for all you grandma's and aunts out there)

So, this is my little moment I take for myself when I can I guess. I really do enjoy writing. My mother-in-law has suggested that I try to write a book after reading my blogs on Ember's site. To tell you the truth, that would be so great, but I wouldn't even know where to begin. I am not the best writer out there and I know it. For instance, my friend Pete is great! Really, he is. I am not just saying that because I am a friend. He has this imagination that runs wild and he has a gift for making you feel like you are in the moment. That gift was recalled when it came to me. I truly enjoy reading his stories and any time we game with him, his concepts just blow me away. Honestly, becoming a journalist was one of my dreams growing up. Of course, so was becoming a pediatric trauma nurse, a marine biologist, a veterinarian, and a pharmacist. Of course, all of those are on hold due to mommy duty, and for the first time I am OK with that. Prior to Ember, I was so angry with myself for letting those little dreams slip away, for not letting myself at least try, for quitting school when I did, but now it's all OK. They aren't gone, just put on hold and I am sure that there are more than enough people mad at me for something or another so why be mad at myself?

Anyway, I have to go finish cleaning out the bottom of the fridge. The roast that was thawing ended up leaking blood all over....gross!!!!! (And that is saying something for a woman who is happy to talk to you about the color of her daughter's poop! Go green!) So, here's to a good roast, a clean fridge, and comforting a teething baby!